


Traditions

by jairyn



Series: Shili/Togruta [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Anisoka, Culture, Culture Shock, F/M, Hunt, Shili, Snips - Freeform, Star Wars - Freeform, Togruta - Freeform, Traditions, skyguy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-16 03:33:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 45,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15428124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: Ahsoka asks Anakin to accompany her home to Shili for their traditional coming of age celebration known as Ha’a’neh eh det Turu. Neither one of them know a lot about her heritage, but it’s important to her to complete it. The week-long rite of passage sends them deep into a culture full of color and tradition and might just be a bit more than they bargained for. But seeing Ahsoka in her native setting sets off feelings he’d not fully acknowledged before and now he’s in too deep. When all is said and done, will they be able to go back to the temple and resume their friendship as normal, or will their experiences irrevocably change their relationship?Ahsoka is my favorite character in Star Wars and I absolutely love exploring the alien side of her and how it influences her life and her actions (especially how it intertwines with being a Jedi), because I think people forget she's not human even if she acts like it. So this is a bit of a world-building experience for me and I hope you enjoy it! (Some designs and ideas inspired by my friend, rosaapaints)





	1. Chapter 1

            “Hey master,” she said after knocking on his door. “Can I ask you something?”

            “Sure Snips, what is it?” he asked leaning against the door frame. His hair falling casually around his face, his blue eyes inquisitive. A rare moment in which he wasn’t stressed out because nobody he cared about was in danger or under his command right now.

            “Well,” she started, and flushed. “It might sound a little weird.”

            “I’m okay with weird,” he replied.

            “I know there’s a war going on and that we have a heavy responsibility to bear and all. It’s just…” she looked away, wondering how to ask. If this was Master Kenobi, or anyone else for that matter, she wouldn’t even bother. But Anakin was different, and maybe he’d understand.

            “What is it?” he asked concerned, leaning over so he could find her eyes. She shifted uncomfortably and then looked up at his face searchingly.

            “I turn sixteen in ten days and in Togruta culture, it’s celebrated by a rite of passage.” She chewed softly on her lip for a moment trying to work up her nerve. Normally, she’d default to something snippy to say, but she felt this was hardly the moment. She wanted him to take this seriously; it wasn’t a game to her. Though being raised as a Jedi left her little opportunity to practice Togrutan tradition, she’d returned to Shili before for Det Bhat Ehret; which was when she’d had to participate in the group hunt and kill her first akul with others her age. This was the second rite of passage, and the most important one. It marked coming of age, maturity and blessings for the future. Wherever Togruta wander, though it’s rare for them to, they always return home the week before their sixteenth birthday to participate in the Ha’a’neh eh det turu. Roughly translated to ‘wind in the grasses.’ It was a blessing given by her parents and her tribe to accompany her through all her future endeavors.

            “If it means that much to you, of course you can go,” he said softly and set his hand on her shoulder.

            “Well, I was hoping you’d come…” She looked at him nervously and bit her lip. She inhaled sharply, forgetting that her hunting teeth were finally coming in. She brought her hand up to cover the blood she’d tasted immediately. “It’s tradition to bring someone to witness the rite; someone important in your life…” she mumbled looking everywhere but at him.

            “I’d have to ask the council, but…”

            “I already asked them,” she said hastily.  _Too hastily…_  She shook herself in annoyance. “They said we’d both have to use one of our mandatory meditation leaves, and I know you enjoy those, so I hate to ask you to give one up…” He put a finger on her lip and she looked up at him, eyes wide.

            “If you really want me to come, then of course I will. I don’t mind using one of my weeks of leave for you, Snips.” She blushed furiously and looked down at her feet. “Hey,” he whispered and tipped her chin up. “Why are you so nervous? Did you think I’d say no?”

            “It’s not that, master. It’s just… I don’t know a lot about my culture or what Ha’a’neh eh det turu involves. I just know it’s important to do this. I haven’t had any time to prepare for it, with the war and all…”

            “I’m sure you’ll be just fine. You’re good at everything else!” he said encouragingly.

            “Um, thank you,” she said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “I should probably mention that you’ll be meeting my tribe and possibly my parents...”

            “That  _will_  be interesting…” He nodded thoughtfully, leaning back against the door frame.

            “Maybe… I have no idea how they’ll react to my return. I don’t remember them at all,” she said sadly. “What if I don’t even recognize them? Or they don’t recognize me?” Just thinking about it made her even more nervous and she started gasping for breath. What if they weren’t happy to see her?

            He grabbed her shoulders. “Breathe,” he ordered. “It will be okay. I’m sure of it. I’ll be right beside you.” She stared up at him and nodded.

            Now that he had agreed to come, she really hoped she wouldn’t make a fool of herself in front of him. Master Ti had told her only a few things about the celebration as her own had been cut short. The only part she knew for sure was that she’d be expected to hunt an akul alone. Before, when she’d turned thirteen, Master Ti had taken her back to Corvala where she’d joined with other kids her age. They were taken out into the plains away from the capital and released in groups of six to hunt. The purpose was to learn to work together and remember that wherever you go, you carry your people with you. Not all of the kids survive the hunt, in fact many don’t make it. Of her group, only three of them made it back. Sometimes they forget the lesson of teamwork and try to show off, which usually gets you killed. 

            Having been raised as a Jedi, she’d attempted to lead their group and guide them to success, but several of the other kids had refused to listen. The only reason the two besides her remaining had succeeded was because they  _had_  listened to her. It wasn’t that she was an expert on hunting akuls, because she most certainly wasn’t, but she did know a lot about leading a group. She’d felt like such a failure that day, that half of their group hadn’t made it. That she hadn’t been able to save them. They’d feasted and then sat down to make their akul teeth crowns. Despite the celebration and congratulations, she’d received upon returning, the feeling of failure had followed her back to the temple. For Togruta, what mattered was that you returned from the hunt alive, not whether or not your entire group did, but as a Jedi… losing so many felt like a betrayal of the path she’d been walking.

            She hadn’t seen her parents during that hunt. If they’d been in Corvala, she hadn’t recognized them. But the Ha’a’neh eh det turu required returning to your own tribe, not just the capital city. So if her parents were still alive and still there… Considering that the Jedi didn’t allow attachments, she was surprised they’d so willingly agreed to let her return to her parents for a week. Master Ti had explained to the council how important this ritual was and that it shaped a Togruta’s entire life. Then Master Plo had willingly given her the location of her tribe so she could find them. They’d told her no matter what happens, she wasn’t to allow her parents any hope that they’d remain in touch once the ritual ended. She was only to go, complete the rite and return. They even seemed glad that she wanted her master to accompany her, even if it meant they both wouldn’t be available to help in the war for a week. They probably thought he’d keep an eye on her. As if, more likely she’d have to tear him away from it. Not that she’d tell that to the council, it was too important to her that he’d come.


	2. Chapter 2

            They came out of hyperspace when the nav computer beeped that they’d made it to the Ehosiq sector of the expansion region. There it was, Shili. _Home._ Or so it should be. She swallowed hard as her master set the approach vector. She was both excited and nervous. She was glad he was with her. After what happened last time, she didn’t feel as though she deserved to return to her planet. Det Bhat Ehret had shaped so much of her young life. She’d returned to the temple determined to prove herself worthy, to prove that she was a Jedi above all else, even if it meant denying her heritage. Even in a hunt, she always wanted to protect those around her. She would never let them fall again.

            But she remembered the ferocity of the akul and how terrifying it had been to fight it. Six kids against one beast had hardly been a fair fight. The akul could ravage villages if it so chose. It had only been working together with the others that had made it possible. The only way to win was to take the advantage and keep it. Which when hunting a beast you’d never hunted before was far more difficult than you could imagine. At least the other kids had grown up on Shili, they’d seen akuls before. They’d known their weaknesses and the way they moved. She’d been running in blind. This time… as scared as she was to face it alone, she was grateful there wouldn’t be the distraction of having to protect others.

            The solo bhat was a lesson in strength. That’s how she understood it anyways. It wasn’t the only part of ha’a’neh eh det turu, but it was the one that she might not come back from. To complete it would mean she’d have to close out the force; deny her Jedi instincts in favor of those of her ancestors. She really hoped she’d know what to do when the time came.

            They landed in the spaceport in Corvala and paid the dues. She looked around at the capital city. It was abuzz with life. Despite being the most populated place on Shili, it was unlike any other city she’d been to in the galaxy. Shili was a bright, colorful, _mess…_ compared to the tranquil, soothing world inside the Jedi temple. Just like any other planet, there were more than just Togruta here. Aliens wandered the street, dressed in colorful, loose fitting garb that seemed odd on them. She could hear several different languages being spoken as they moved through the street. She knew a few words in Togruti, but not much. Most in the capital spoke basic like on Coruscant, but as they move away from the city into the tribe lands, fewer and fewer would speak it.

            She hadn’t had much time before to really take it in. They’d met with the other kids immediately and had been transported away within hours of landing. They’d spent the night at a camp out in the grasslands, then they’d been released to hunt. It had been the longest, scariest ten hours of her life. They’d returned at nightfall with the akul teeth, exhausted and filthy. The celebration had lasted into the late hours of the night. The following morning, she was on a ship on her way back to Coruscant, reeling from the experience.

            She looked around at the buildings and art inspired by the shapes of their montrals. _So many horns_. It was almost like they worshiped themselves. There were depictions of hunts painted on canvases and ribbons blowing in the soft breeze. Corvala was near the ocean, so it was humid, but not unpleasant.

            “Colorful,” Anakin commented from beside her. She looked up at him as he took in their surroundings.

            “Indeed,” she murmured. It was interesting to feel him more relaxed than normal. They weren’t here on a mission, the odds of battle droids coming to Shili was pretty slim. It was hardly a strategic planet and probably didn’t have many resources that would fuel the war machine. It’s why it was mostly left alone by the Republic as well, though it was technically part of it. Togruta weren’t soldiers, not really. They were warriors in their own right though, when it came to hunting. Several hundred years ago, a large population of them left Shili and established their own culture and way of life on Kiros. Rumor had it, the Togruta of Kiros were disgusted by the violence of the hunt and preferred peaceful pursuits like art, music and architecture. All things they cared about on Shili too, but much of culture here centered around the great bhats. Hunting was as much a ritual as it was for survival.

            Once trade routes with other planets were established, hunting became less of a necessity and more of a religion. Tribes of all sizes were scattered through the grasslands each with their own unique way they approached the bhat. That’s why it was so important to complete it with the help of your own tribe. The oddest part, in her opinion, was that Togruta possessed the technological advantages needed to travel the stars, but most chose not to. They were perfectly content to remain on Shili and live out their lives here. The few that did leave were called wanderers. Very few Togruta became Jedi because the force potentials were hard to find here; hidden in any number of tribes all over the planet. It still amazed her that Master Plo had found her. It was also difficult for them to become full Jedi. Not because they didn’t possess the power, but because their hunter lifestyle was contradictory to the Jedi code. Some found it way too hard to overcome instinct and stay true to the Jedi way of life. Not to mention that Togruta were social creatures that depended on each other for survival; everything you did was for the good of your tribe. The solitary life of a Jedi was a hard one to maintain. Though Jedi were communal in belief, they forbade attachments. Which was completely opposite of the way Togruta lived their lives in groups; _needing_ attachments.

            As a child she’d hardly felt like she belonged among her people, but she never completely felt like she belonged among the Jedi either. Other younglings had been scared of her, afraid she could turn feral on them at any moment. That idea had scared her too, and she’d desperately tried to push aside any part of her that didn’t meld with the Jedi beliefs. But when the war had started… things had changed. Endless battles brought the animal inside her rushing to the surface. The urge to hunt and taste blood harder to ignore. The rush of victory that followed a successful mission made her lust for more action. It became a constant struggle to suppress things about herself that scared her.

            And now that her body was growing… her head got bigger and heavier every day. She could hear things she’d never noticed before. Sometimes she’d involuntarily make sounds that were embarrassing when others were around. She’d discovered she could do what humans call ‘echolocating,’ The first time she’d experienced a sound echoing back at her had startled her badly, because suddenly she was snapping to noises and sounds she’d never noticed or paid attention to before. The first time she’d growled on a battlefield, Anakin had given her the weirdest look, she’d wanted to hide her face for days. Her vision had improved dramatically at night, she never needed the scopes that the clones used. Now her hunting teeth were coming in, which she did her best to hide. She kept forgetting that the teeth to the sides on the top of her mouth were sharper and she’d bitten her tongue and cheek so many times now, she’d lost count.

            It sometimes felt as though it was getting harder and harder to fit in. Which sounded weird, but she’d tried her best to act human at the temple because that seemed to be the default. There were plenty of aliens at the temple, but she didn’t like that she was one of the very, very few hunter species there. It made her feel isolated and more alone than normal.

            She glanced at Anakin who just seemed to be absorbing everything around him in silence. She wondered what he was thinking. Did he feel as out of place here as she felt at the temple? His expression was one of curiosity, as though he were filing everything he saw away for the future. She watched him for a moment, why he was suddenly more fascinating than their surroundings, she didn’t know. She didn’t remember a lot of her earliest years at the temple, but she did remember struggling to understand simple things, like how to hold a utensil or figuring out how to put on the thick, complicated fabric they provided. She hadn't known how doors worked, or what it was like to fly in a ship. She remembered the feel of the cold metal world she’d been brought into and the way she’d ached for the soft dirt and the feel of the wind. Or the sweet smell of blossoms and the rustle of the turu-grass.

            He turned to look at her, as though he finally realized she was watching him. “You okay, Snips?” he asked. She curled her lips and nodded. He set his hand on her shoulder and squeezed softly. The touch comforted her. It usually did. She was feeling a little faint, maybe overwhelmed by everything. “What’s wrong?”

            She blinked up at him. Would he understand? She knew he used to be teased when he was brought to the temple. They were more alike than he realized. “It’s just… a lot to take in. I’ve tried so hard to fit in at the temple, so now it feels like I don’t fit in here. How am I supposed to do this? I don’t know anything about my people!”

            “Hey,” he said softly. “The whole point of going back to your tribe is so they can guide you through it, right? Didn’t you say that wherever Togruta wander, they return for this rite?” She nodded. “That means they’ll understand you don’t know. Have a little faith in them. You have nothing to worry about.”

            Her lip trembled. He was right, she knew that. She felt so childish. “I’ve tried so hard to deny my ancestry,” she murmured. “If my parents are still alive… they’d be so ashamed.”

            “Why did you try to deny it?” he asked curiously.

            “Because the other younglings didn’t understand. Surely, you’ve noticed not many hunter species end up at the temple? People are scared of us, understandably so. They think we’re part animal. That we’re predators. That we could suddenly decide to rip them to shreds.” She crossed her arms in front of her.

            “Who cares what the other younglings think? You are who you are, you can’t deny that.”

            “But what if I fail? What if I let my entire tribe down? What if I disgrace my family?”

            “That won’t happen,” he said gently.

            “How can you be so sure?”

            “Because I know you, and I have faith in your abilities. You’re going to show everyone up. You’re going to make them proud.” He smiled reassuringly at her and she tried to smile back. His words felt nice, but she wished she could be as confident. “Come on, it’s time to find your village.”

            She nodded numbly and followed him in search of transportation.


	3. Chapter 3

            They stood outside the beast pen as the handler prepared two ikopis for them. Anakin had his arms crossed, shaking his head. “Was it too much to ask for a landspeeder?”

            “Too loud. It could disrupt the hunt,” she laughed as he watched the creatures with a smirk.

            “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Snips… but taming beasts is not my specialty. That’s Obi wan’s forte.”

            “They’ve already been tamed, master. You just have to ride one.” He looked doubtful.

            “But look at those horns. All it would have to do is buck its head and they’d go right through my chest.” She glanced back at the creatures, grazing calmly in front of them. They were about her height, with long hoofed legs. Thick necks and short bodies. The shape of its head roughly resembled the half tabard she wore around her waist. Crowning its skull on either side were two wicked looking horns that went up and then pointed backward, directly at where the rider would sit.

            “Scared, Skyguy?” she teased and burst out laughing when he frowned at her. “I have horns too, you know.” She bent over and poked him with her montrals. He grunted and pushed her away, holding her at arm’s length.

            “This is so out of my element. At least Eopies didn’t have horns,” he grumbled.

            “Just don’t startle it.”

            “Easy for you to say. See for yourself.” He marched over to one that was standing near the fence. He leapt a few feet forward, landing in front of it. It bleated at him in annoyance, lowering its head and stomping its front feet. The long tail swished behind it as it ran itself around in a circle.

            “Okay, well…” she chuckled. “Your first problem is that you leapt at it rather than walked up to it.” She made her way towards the same ikopi. It made a weak bleat sound but then trotted over to her outstretched hand. “The second thing is, did you notice that when scared it bowed its head? So, no bucking back into your gut.” She patted it on the snout. The ikopi nuzzled against her lekku and she smiled at it. “Come here.” Anakin started walking towards it. It shuffled uncomfortably, staying close to her. “Put out your hand.” He did so. It grunted and stamped its feet again. “Slowly, master!” He slowly lifted his hand and it shifted a little but snorted and reached out its nose to smell his hand. She took it and set it on its snout. “See? It’s all about the approach.”

            He rubbed its nose, relaxing a little. “Why does it feel like I’m talking to Obi wan all over again?” he smirked.

            They were interrupted by a call by the handler. The ikopi they were petting turned at the sound and trotted away. “Here you are,” he said coming up to them, leading two behind him. “Make sure you give them a chance to rest every two hours. Stay along the rivers so they can drink.”

            “Thank you,” she said to the handler. They each took one of them and led them away from the pens and to the outskirts of the town.

            They rode mostly in silence once she’d managed to get him on it. He grumbled for awhile, muttering something about wishing for something with an engine. She just shook her head at him as she led the way towards her village. The sun moved across the sky as they followed the coastline for several hours as it weaved along the grasslands and the plateau. As they approached the mountain range in the distance, they turned inland, heading east through the turu-grass. Small streams weaved through the flatlands.

            The first time they’d stopped to let the ikopis drink, Anakin had nearly fallen off his laughing. It was quite the sight to watch the longest tongue you’d ever seen roll out of their mouths, dropping the three meters to the surface of the water and wriggling as it seemed to suck the liquid up through it. Then it would roll back up as though being reeled in and disappear into its mouth.

            Once they’d pulled themselves together, they’d continued on their way. The landscape was as colorful as the city. The turu-grass varied from a golden color, to any number of shades of pink and red. Flowers with colorful blossoms poked up as though seeking the sunlight too and not wanting to be outdone by the grass. Trees dotted the landscape with light colored bark and red and orange leaves. The dirt itself varied in colorful shades as well. She felt as though she could lie down and disappear completely. The way the light played through the grass in the sky, her montrals would be hard to spot by a low to the ground creature. Her orange skin blended into the grass. Her red top and skirt matched many of the tree leaves but were too solid of a color to completely camouflage her. And her bright white leggings, hardly helped her blend in unless she were to stand up against a tree trunk.

            Understandably so, though, as she was dressed in her fighting clothes. Not ones to run around and blend into the landscape on Shili. Now that she thought about it, hopefully she could borrow clothes that better blend into the environment here before she goes hunting. She hadn’t even thought about it before.

            As it approached evening, she finally laid eyes on the village up ahead. She slowed the ikopi to a halt as her heart leapt into her throat. Was she really ready for this? Anakin stopped his next to her and reached out to squeeze her hand. They hadn’t sent word ahead that they were coming, though they probably should have. But maybe she’d been afraid to in case she lost her nerve. Hut peaks rose out of the grasses, as colorful as the surroundings. She could see smoke from a campfire dancing through the air. She closed her eyes and reached out in the force, feeling her way ahead.

            There was a bustle of sound; laughter, talking, maybe even music. She parted her lips as she inhaled the sweet smell of roasting meat. It felt as though she fell back into a deep memory; as feelings surfaced she’d hidden away. A quick breeze weaved its way through the grass, blowing their robes and the bottom of her lekku. For the first time since she’d made the choice to come back to Shili, she relaxed. This wasn’t her life anymore, but it didn’t mean it was a bad life. These were her people, her _family_. She felt a warmth spread through her as she remembered what that meant. Anakin and Rex were the closest she could call to family back on Coruscant. The rest of the Jedi were pleasant but reserved.

            She felt suddenly nostalgic at how quickly her senses had brought her a sense of home and peace. It was time to face it. She couldn’t run from it anymore. And now… maybe she didn’t want to.

            “You ready, Snips?” Anakin whispered when she opened her eyes again.

            “Yeah, I think so,” she replied simply.

            “Well then let’s get moving. Whatever they’re cooking smells really good…” he rubbed his hand across his stomach.

            She rolled her eyes and kicked the ikopi softly to get it moving again. She forced herself to breathe over and over again as they gained on the village.

            They exited the grasses and all activity in front of them ceased as dozens of heads turned in their direction. She held her breath wondering what she should do. Everything spun out around her and she felt Anakin put his hand on her shoulder to keep her from falling off her mount.

            “Ahsoka?” a male voice said from somewhere in the row of faces, but she was feeling faint and she couldn’t be sure which one had spoken. “De’he’ren, Ahsoka!” She slid off the mount and was wrapped in a hug before she’d really seen who was holding her. There’d just been a flash of orange slightly darker than her own skin.

            “De’he’ren!” A woman said as she came up beside the man. She too, threw her arms around her. Before she could stop herself, she started crying. She didn’t know these people, and yet at the same time, she did. It was as though a memory had come to life in front of her. “Look at you!” A hand found her cheek and she blinked through the tears to look at the woman. It took her a moment to realize that she was staring at a human female, not a Togruta. “My dearest, you’ve grown up. Isn’t she beautiful, Saron?”

            “She is indeed,” the male voice spoke, and she looked up at him. A tall Togruta male was standing before her, his warm palm against her skin. His white markings made a triangular shape across his forehead with stripe and a diamond shape showing his skin. Two marks went in from his cheek towards his nose, pointing towards the center of his face. And there was a small white triangle on his chin, leading to his bottom lip. He had soft gray-blue eyes and his montrals rose above his forehead thick and pronounced. They were blue and white like hers, but a greener blue, in triangular patterns. His lekku barely went down to his shoulders.

            “Father?” she whispered, and he smiled at her. She turned to look at the woman, still in shock that she was human. “Mother?” She smiled too, teary eyed, her hand rubbing up and down her arm. She felt faint all over again. She was half-human? No wonder she’d never felt like she fit anywhere. Anakin came up behind her and she nearly fell back into him.

            Her dad reached out a hand to him. “I am Saron Tano, and this is my wife, Yadigan.” Anakin shook their hands. “Are you Ahsoka’s ke’leh?” She stared at them blankly for a moment. _Ke’leh…? What was ke’leh?_ They wouldn’t be asking if he was her family, they’d know that. They must mean friend, since she’d been told it was tradition to bring someone along that was important to you.

            “This is Anakin Skywalker, he is my… _ke’leh_ …” she repeated hoping she was using the word right.

            “Then welcome!” her father exclaimed. “My daughter’s ke’leh is always welcome among our tribe.”

            “Thank you,” Anakin said, bowing politely.

            “We hoped you’d come back for ha’a’neh eh det turu, I’m so glad we were right!” Her mother said happily, hugging her again.

            “Family,” her father turned and addressed the others that were watching them curiously. “My daughter has returned from her wanderings for ha’a’neh eh det turu! And she has brought her ke’leh! Let us celebrate!” A chorus of voices cheered, and people leapt to their feet, running to greet them. She was having trouble absorbing everything that people were saying and mostly just nodded and smiled as best she could. They’d shake his hand or hug her. Several women kissed her on the cheek. At one point, he put his arm around her and led her towards the center of the group. Which was probably a good thing, because she was hardly functioning at this point. She’d hoped her parents would be receptive to her presence, she had no idea they’d fold her right back into the tribe as though she’d never left. She was grateful and relieved but having a hard time processing everything. She was really glad he was there, he could stand as her rock when she couldn’t stand.

                This week promised to be an adventurous one.


	4. Chapter 4

            Anakin smiled to himself as he watched the way her parents fussed over her. He felt a sudden pang and nearly missed the seat he’d been pointed to. His eyes lingered on her mother and the affectionate way she’d touch Ahsoka’s cheek or squeeze her tighter to her. Leaning closer to whisper; genuinely pleased and proud of what her daughter had become. She _should_ be proud, even if she didn’t know the half of what Ahsoka was capable of. He’d been reluctant to take her as a padawan; it was a responsibility that had been thrust on him at a moment in time where he’d wanted nothing more than a taste of freedom. Recently married, knighted and promoted to general, it had been the first time he felt he was in control of his own life. And then the council had pushed a bossy little youngling in his lap and basically just said, ‘good luck.’

            But now as he watched her, he couldn’t deny how far they’d come. The past two years had been quite the adventure. Once he’d managed to tuck his annoyance away, he’d found he enjoyed her company. She was a strong fighter, fearless in pursuit of whatever she believed to be right. She worked hard, trained even harder and never gave up even when times were the roughest. She cared as much about the people around them as he did, and he trusted her to lead them when he couldn’t. Though it was hard to discourage her from asking questions about his life, he felt like he could relax some when she was around. And strangely, he preferred running missions with her to running them with Obi wan. Most of the time anyways.

            He’d had no idea that one of her parents was human, though it made more sense than he’d expected it to. Based on her reaction, she hadn’t known that either. He studied the other people around them. Togruta were diverse in the colors of their skin, and the shapes and patterns of their horns and head tails. Admittedly, he’d never given much thought to them or their species. He never bothered to ask Ahsoka what they were like or wonder how she differed from humans. He only knew what others did, rumors and gossip. He kind of wished he had his sketchbook with him right now. He would have to memorize as much as he could to sketch later.

            She looked up and made eye contact with him across the campfire and he smiled at her. She looked a bit sheepish, but she smiled back. His hand tightened into a fist as he felt a rush of anger that her parents and family were alive and welcomed her home as though she’d never left, but that when they returned to the temple, the Jedi would expect her to forget about them and move on.

            Someone slapped him on the back and he almost punched them. A Togruta male that was sitting next to him leaned towards him. “Amazing, isn’t she?”

            He nodded slowly, trying to relax the tension out of his shoulders and arms. “She is indeed,” he whispered.

            “Every man in the village has dreamed of her return. The daughter of the chief, what a prize,” the man said conversationally. He furrowed his brow. What did he mean by that? That they’d all hoped to win her over? They must not understand the life of a Jedi.

            “Um, yeah,” he started cautiously not wanting to offend anyone but feeling the need to set the record straight. “I’m afraid she won’t be staying here though.”

            “No, I imagine not,” the man chuckled. “We’ll know for sure tomorrow at the fe’ren d’ det se’a’ral.” The what? Ahsoka had said there would be multiple rituals throughout the week. He brought his hand up to rub his eyes feeling a headache coming on. He didn’t really have the mental capacity to figure it out at the moment, he needed some fresh air. He’d have to worry about what that ritual meant tomorrow.

            He nodded respectfully and got up. He headed towards the outskirts of the village and stared across the darkening landscape, crossing his hands behind his back. When Ahsoka said he might meet her parents, he hadn’t really thought about how much it would make him miss his mother. He was happy for her that they’d been so welcoming because she’d been so nervous about returning. But maybe if they’d been colder it wouldn’t have hurt so much. He shook himself angrily. What a horrible thought to think. He tried to take a deep breath and find some peace. For Ahsoka’s sake, he was going to have to get a handle on himself and push these feelings deep down inside. She’d been so earnest about wanting to come, he wasn’t going to ruin it for her just because he still missed his mom.

            “Are you okay, son?” He glanced to the side as her mother stepped up beside him and set her hand on his back. He studied her a moment, biting his lip at the sudden rush of emotion. So much for burying them.

            “Yes, I’m fine, thank you,” he replied quickly hoping she’d drop it. He couldn’t get attached to these people and the next time he talked to Ahsoka alone, he’d have to remind her she couldn’t either.

            Her mother made like she was going to say something but decided not to. They stood there in silence for a moment. “Thank you,” she said finally, and he looked at her in surprise. “For taking care of my daughter.” She patted him softly on the back and then moved away. He stared after her, struggling to swallow the flood of tears that wanted to consume him. He watched Yadigan move back over next to her husband, Saron and the way he smiled at her made him wipe his eyes.

            “Tonight,” her father started, and the villagers fell silent. He put his arm around Ahsoka and squeezed her tightly. “We celebrate the return of our greatest wanderer. At dawn, the ha’a’neh eh det turu begins. When the sun looks down upon us in her glory, we will hold the fe’ren d’ det se’a’ral.” Several males around the group let out a whoop and Anakin looked between them. “Calm down, calm down,” Saron chuckled. “You’ll get your chance.” He glanced up at Anakin. “But I believe her ke’leh might be stronger than you think.” All heads suddenly turned towards him and he shifted a bit, trying not to look uncomfortable under their gazes. If only he knew what they were even talking about. He glanced at Ahsoka for a hint and she just shrugged her shoulders. _Lovely…_ “But for now, we feast and rest in goodwill.”

            The celebration went late into the night, they really knew how to party. At some point Ahsoka came over and sat with him again as the tribe put on a show. “You okay?” she asked breathlessly, but he could feel the joy in her tone.

            “Yeah,” he murmured. “Just confused.”

            “Me too,” she said with a sigh. “I wish I knew more of my language, but I suppose it won’t matter after we leave.”

            He swallowed. “Yeah, probably not. As you said, it’s rare for them to wander from their home.”

            “It’s a lot to take in,” she yawned. He nodded, staring straight ahead at the fire.

            “What is this ritual I apparently have to participate in tomorrow?”

            “I don’t know. Master Ti told me it was tradition to bring a friend with you for the rite, so I assume they want to include you in the festivities.” She fell silent for awhile as music started and several women and two men got up and started dancing around the campfire. He watched the reflection of the light in her eyes as the hypnotic rhythm lulled their tired brains into a hazy state. She yawned a few more times before dropping her head down on his shoulder. He didn’t want to disturb her, so he let her rest there. He met eye contact with her mother across the fire and she smiled approvingly. He just nodded in response. “Master,” she whispered suddenly.

            “Yeah?”

            “Thank you for coming with me.”

            “Of course, Snips,” he breathed. “I wouldn’t want to miss it.” He meant it. Whatever emotions this week provoked in him, he was happy to bear witness to her rite. She’d become his friend, a good friend; not just his padawan. And if this meant a lot to her, it meant a lot to him too. He appreciated the fact that he was who she’d wanted to come along. She could have asked anyone. Besides, a week off from the war wasn’t a bad idea, even if he had no idea what they were getting into. As colorful and bright as Shili was, it was a nice change from the boring temple life and the endless streams of battle droids and tank shells. He finally allowed himself to relax into the music.

            After the delicious meal, they were shown a hut for them to share, which had been a little awkward when they’d realized just how small the space was. But since neither of them were alert enough to protest, they decided they’d make it work. Her parents had offered them clothes to change into, informing them that the heavy material they were wearing would be miserable here on this planet. It was a bit strange to change out of his Jedi robes into colorful garments that he’d never choose in a market. But the fabric was soft and light, and actually refreshing in the cool night air. Once they’d separated their sleeping space enough to feel comfortable, Ahsoka had drifted off pretty quickly.

            He stared at the top of the hut for awhile but listening to her snore softly nearby was oddly relaxing. It wasn’t even a snore for that matter, it was a quiet kind of trilling sound. He couldn’t really equate it to anything he’d ever heard before. It was rhythmic like a heartbeat and it eased the tension in his bones. How odd he’d never noticed that she did that before. Of course, they weren’t usually so close together at night. It wasn’t long before he felt the heavy padding of sleep put the curtain down on his brain.


	5. Chapter 5

            She rose early, used to getting up with the sun. She glanced over at Anakin on the other side of the row of blankets. He was sleeping soundly, and she smiled to herself. She’d wanted him to come, because he’d been the first person in her life at the temple to care about her; to really care. It seemed fitting that her master be the one to witness her prove her strength and what she could do, even if it was things she’d never done before. But as she watched him sleep... there was another reason she’d asked him to come. He took the war far too seriously, he had to, of course. He was a general; he had people under his command depending on him. She admired that about him, but she also felt he pushed himself too hard. That he expected too much of himself. He needed a break,  _badly_. He always seemed happy when he came back from his meditation retreats, but never more rested. She didn’t know exactly where he went or what he did on them, but she had a pretty good idea.

            Which was some of why she’d been nervous about asking him to come. Take him away from his time with Padmé to hang out with her and a bunch of people he probably wouldn’t care much about? That was why she’d asked the council if he could go before she’d asked him. She didn’t want him to have any good excuses not to come. She’d been so tightly wound about coming here in the first place, but she already felt more relaxed than she’d expected. Last night had been overwhelming but in a happy kind of way. 

            Her father had said the first ritual would take place at midday, so she probably had time to go for a run. From the moment she’d fallen into the sense of home and all the smells and sounds, she’d been aching to run the grasses and feel the wind again. She always felt better after her morning exercise. 

            She picked up several pieces of leather and wrapped the loose pants she was wearing to hold them tighter around her ankles. She rolled down the waistband, tightening the fabric around her legs. Then she rolled her shoulders and stretched as best she could in the small space. She thought about waking him up and letting him know where she was going in case he wanted to come, but she decided he needed the sleep more than a run. They get plenty of exercise on the battlefield. Running was a way she meditated, not just a way to stay fit and ready for action. 

            She slipped out of the small hut and looked around, smiling at the color and early morning activity around her. It was peaceful as only a few others seemed to start waking up at this hour. The campfire had died down, but some ashes still glowed. She took a deep breath and inhaled the lingering scent of roasted meat and spices. Aromatic blossoms and the warm sea tantalized her senses. She rolled her neck as she took it all in. She could hear the distant rustle of grass and the sound of nuna popping out of the ground in search of insects to feed on. Birds called through the sky and the flutter of banners were carrying her senses across the land.

            Maybe she hadn’t felt like she belonged here when she’d been a child, but there was something to the feeling of coming home. Would it feel that way to return to the temple? Several people greeted her enthusiastically as she made her way to the edge of the village. She just nodded to them and smiled, continuing on her way.

            As she passed the last hut, she gave into the burst of speed that carried her across the landscape. She fell into her meditations and she became aware of the land as it came to life around her. She didn’t worry too much about where she was going, she could find her way back. She ran hard until her muscles started screaming and then she pushed herself faster. She had to stay ahead of the pain. She had to keep up with him. Every day she pushed herself harder. Every day her body protested, and she eased it further. She probably took her training far too seriously, but when you’re the padawan of the greatest Jedi the galaxy had ever seen… well, she wanted to deserve her place by his side and prove to him time and time again, that she was worthy. Even he didn’t push her as hard as she pushed herself, but she was determined to keep up with him. She was not going to let him down and she was definitely not going to let something happen to him because she got lazy or unprepared. It felt like her duty as a padawan to protect him, which was backwards to what everyone taught. Still... she couldn't shake the need to do so. 

            She stopped near a river that weaved its way through the grass, gurgling over stones and carrying its experiences out to the great sea. It reminded her of something master Yoda had said once,  _connected are we, no matter where we start, we come together in the end_. She knelt down next to the clear water and cupped her hands to take a drink. It was cold and refreshing. She set her fingers just beneath the surface and wriggled them back and forth imagining for a moment what message it would send to anything downstream. 

            Any number of animals could be doing the same thing she was. She closed her eyes and reached deep inside the force, casting her senses down her arm and into the waiting water. She let it swim upstream searching for the secrets it carried with it. She felt the current change subtly and knew instinctively that something was standing in the water somewhere ahead of her. It shifted again as though whatever it was had just been passing through. 

            She smiled and stood up, blinking in that direction to see what could be there. But the turu-grass was too tall. It didn't matter, now was not the time to chase the feeling, but she wondered if she'd feel things like that without the force, like when she had to go on her bhat. She'd have to keep that in mind. The sun had risen over the mountains now and it was time to head back to the village before anybody got worried. 

            She made it back in half the time, pushing herself to the brink and then toppling over. She found Anakin first, sitting some distance from the village doing his own meditation. "Hey master," she said when she got closer and dropped to the ground in front of him. 

            "Morning," he murmured. She watched him while she stretched from her run. 

            "Did you sleep alright?"

            He opened his eyes and looked her over, watching her for a moment before responding. "Yeah." He seemed distracted by something. "Where were you?" 

            "I just went for a run. I know I'm not supposed to get attached to anything here, but I admit, I've missed the feel of the dirt under my bare feet. Coruscant is so..." she trailed off wondering how to explain it. Was dead the right word? It wasn't dead by any means, there was more activity there than anywhere in the galaxy, but it was so,  _synthetic_... there was nothing natural about it. Having been raised there, it hadn't really bothered her before. But back on Shili, she could curl her toes in the earth, feel the soft breeze and the warm sun. Maybe she'd forgotten how much she'd loved it. She was born of the land and she'd be returned to it.  _We come together in the end.._.

            "Different," he finished for her and she nodded in response. Whether he loved his home planet of Tatooine or not, Coruscant had been a major adjustment for him as well. 

            "Do you feel at home there, master?" she asked suddenly and then dropped her hands in her lap. This was one of those questions he didn't like to answer. She tried to avoid asking them, but she was endlessly curious about him. 

            For just a moment it looked as though he'd tell her off for asking but then he relaxed his shoulders. "No." She didn't think he'd say anything else, so she stayed silent as she watched his face. So many shadows lived beneath his smirks, hidden behind the banter and jokes. Pain deeper than any could comprehend lived in his eyes. He stared at the dirt and she stared at him. It was strange to see him out of his Jedi robes. When they trained together, he'd sometimes strip down to his under tunic and leggings. 

            Right now he wore a loose fitted shirt a kind of gray and blue color and pants that stopped just beneath his knees. They were more colorfully patterned than the top. He'd rolled up his sleeves just shy of his elbows and the black and gold metal of his mechanical hand glinted in the morning sun. She tipped her head to the side realizing why his outfit would so change his demeanor; it was because he hid a great many things beneath the heavy fabric and oversized robes. It was as though removing the armor made him seem,  _smaller_... maybe less sure of himself... maybe vulnerable... but to her surprise, she liked him better this way. 

            She admired his prowess and battle skills, but she knew there was more to him than just his talents. She longed for the day he'd let her in. There was something in the way he carried himself even in his armor that told her he wasn't comfortable in his own skin. She wished she could help him with that. But then again, she didn't really feel comfortable in her own skin either.

            "Do you?" he asked looking back up at her intensely. 

            "I thought I did," she said thoughtfully. "But now, I'm not so sure. Maybe there's more to what makes a home than one place." She gestured around them at the colorful environment. "Like no matter what happens this week, Shili will always be a part of me. Not just the planet itself but everything that makes it. I guess, it's my roots. But maybe not my home."

            "I grew up on Tatooine, but it never felt like home." he whispered, but she could hear a strain and a tremor in his voice. He looked scared for a split second, like he'd shared too much. But she didn't laugh, why would she? "Coruscant has more things I care about, but it still doesn't feel like home. Sometimes I think, I'll never know what that word means." He was on his feet before she could say anything and heading back into the village. 

                She sighed. That's what he did. He'd give the most tantalizing snippet of information and then completely close down. There was no hope he'd open up again about it after that and prying only made him angry. She didn't want him to be angry here. She wanted him to relax and rest and feel peace. Maybe Jedi didn't have homes. Maybe they were the true wanderers. 


	6. Chapter 6

            Just about midday when the sun stood directly overhead, a call went out throughout the village. She looked up from the canvas she was working on with her mother. Everyone slowly made their way to the center of their circle of huts. The campfire from the night before had been stamped out, the black coals used to draw a large rectangular space. Several posts had been erected in the corners and at the entrance to the pen. Colorful banners had been strung from post to post to cordon off the area. 

            Her father stood in the middle of the space. When everyone had gathered, he tipped his chin up and let out a loud, deep call. Several people, only men she noticed, whooped and hollered, responding with their own unique sounds. "The fe’ren d’ det se’a’ral begins. Those who wish to participate, come stand by me," Saron said. 

            Eight males from around the village slipped through the banners and walked confidently into the center of the pen. Most of them strutted by her, bowing or winking. She watched them in confusion as her mom patted her on the back. Her eyes widened as they each removed their shirts, hanging them over posts. They turned slowly at the gathered crowd, flexing and showing off their muscles and markings. 

            She caught sight of Anakin on the other side watching them somewhat uncomfortably. "Our guest," her father turned on him and he looked up in surprise. "Come, enter the fe’ren d’ det se’a’ral unless you want to forfeit." She almost laughed out loud at Anakin's scowl. It didn't even matter what they were doing, the suggestion of failure or cowardice alone was enough to make him dive right in. He was too competitive for his own good sometimes; he always had to be the best. 

            He effortlessly leapt the ropes and walked to the center where her father stood. She sucked in a breath when he peeled his tunic up and tossed it casually to the side. She tried to shake herself, not sure what had come over her, but it wasn't until her mom elbowed her that she was finally able to look away. 

            "Not bad," Yadigan whispered. "Not bad at all." She was only able to nod in response. It wasn't that she'd never seen him shirtless before, there was just something about seeing him standing there in the middle of the ring; tall and proud, surrounded by other men that thought they were all that. He carried himself confidently, no false pretenses. He was leaner than the average Togruta male, but even if she didn't know the power he possessed, it oozed from him. He had a few scars in various places on his torso and a couple on his back when he turned around. 

            She could hear several people whispering about his mechanical arm and how that might give him an advantage.  _Yeah right._  He already had an advantage and it wasn't the force _or_ the arm. He lived and breathed battle as though he existed only to fight. The other Togruta may be warriors or hunters, but they didn't know what it was like to fight in a war day in and day out. 

            "The rules are simple; fight hard, win. The last one standing is the victor," Saron bowed to each of the competitors and made his way out of the pen, closing the gate behind him. She tried to catch her master’s eye, hoping he knew he couldn't use the force, but he was already sizing up his fellow combatants with his lips pursed out to the side. As though realizing Anakin didn't know their customs, her father continued, "No blood, no death. Bring your opponent down,  _cleanly..._ " he emphasized the last word. He must have remembered that Jedi were warriors, or he felt the same power from Anakin that she did. 

            At Saron’s hand signal drums started beating, slow at first; building faster and faster. The anticipation of the crowd rose with the drums as the competitors slowly started circling each other. She was trying hard to watch the ritual as a whole, but her eyes kept snapping back to Anakin. She was holding her breath and it wasn’t until she started feeling faint that she remembered to breathe.

            The drums stopped and there was a mess of commotion. Several of the men ran at each other with their montrals down like a charging animal. They’d grab shoulders or arms trying to knock each other down. They moved fast and as she tried desperately to watch everyone at once, they just became streaks of color moving around in front of her.

            When one went down, the one that beat them moved to the next one and so on and so forth. They were fierce. Many of them growled or trilled; as a way to taunt or confuse each other. Some seemed more evenly matched and stubbornly stayed on their feet despite being tripped or thrown. It seemed to be a free for all to fight whoever they wanted; they were just trying to eliminate as many as they could, increasing their chances of winning the fight.

            When she turned her attention on Anakin, it felt as though everything else slowed down. She could see the sweat beading on the rippling muscles of his back as he expertly danced and twirled around charging opponents. He’d grabbed one by the shoulders, slipped his right foot behind their ankles and bent down, sweeping their feet out from under them. They hit the dirt hard enough for a plume of dust to burst around them. It was a minute or so before they got up and crawled out of the fight. He ducked out of reach of another one, crouching under their arm and throwing his hand across their chest as though clotheslining them.

            Four of them knocked each other out and the remaining two teamed up on him. Her eyes were starting to sting from all the dust, but she didn’t dare blink in case she missed something. He leapt to the side gracefully to miss the charge of one, landing a few feet in front of her with his back to her. She saw a trickle of sweat roll down his well-defined muscles and she licked her lips. He glanced over his shoulder at her and the heat rose in her cheeks at the way he’d hiked his brow.

            She clasped her hand over her mouth, feeling stupid and wondering what had come over her. He ducked just in time as someone reached for his shoulders and she leapt back as they ran into the ropes and stumbled to the ground right where she’d been standing. Anakin looked up at her and smirked and she had the strongest urge to stick out her tongue. The last remaining competitor grabbed him from behind, throwing all his strength in trying to wrestle him to the ground.

            Her master didn’t even look like he was trying as he stood there, solid as a rock. The crowd was cheering either for him or for the other guy, whose name she had yet to learn. Anakin seemed to realize it was as much a spectacle sport as a competition and he raised his hands in the air trying to pump up the crowd. Moving around as though he was completely unbothered by the guy glued to his back. People were laughing and cheering, giving hearty whoops and high fives. Several of the younger females were swooning and she rolled her eyes.

            He met eye contact with her and grinned, bowing in exaggeration and several people patted her on the shoulder. She started laughing at the ridiculousness of the scene playing out before her and then he winked at her. In one move, he flip-rolled to the side out of the guys grasp, spun him around and threw him to the ground. He laid there in a daze staring up at the sky.

            Anakin put up his hands and gave a jaunty salute and the crowd erupted. She felt her mom’s arms around her as though she were congratulating her, and she really wanted to leap into the ring and go, ‘that’s my master!’ She glanced around at the eight competitors that were now limping away in varying degrees of pain and then back at him. She couldn’t stop grinning. He looked so proud of himself, like he’d just won Jedi of the year or something.

            Her father opened the gate and marched towards him, carrying a small bowl with white paint. Anakin bowed before him respectfully. Saron stuck two fingers in the paint and traced a pattern on his forehead that reminded her a little too much of her own markings. They weren’t uncommon really. Every Togruta’s were unique but there were common elements in them sometimes. Certain shapes, like the line and the half diamond mirroring themselves was a pattern she found all over the village. But it intrigued her why her dad had painted that particular pattern on his head. He then took Anakin’s left hand and raised it in the air.

            “The victor of the fe’ren d’ det se’a’ral!” Everyone cheered including her this time. Anakin smiled around at his audience as though he were basking in all the attention. Despite just being in a fight, he looked more relaxed than ever.

            “Come on, de’he’ren.” Her mom grabbed her by the shoulders and led her away. “It’s time to get you ready.”

            “Ready for what?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder not wanting to leave the cheering crowd. _Or him,_ for that matter. She really wanted to congratulate him, not that it had been a fair competition. From the moment her father had challenged him, she’d known Anakin would win.

            “The victory dance, of course,” Yadigan said.

            “Dance? Not me dancing, I hope? I don’t know how to dance.”

            “It’s not about how. It’s about what you feel. The beat is what you make it. You dance whatever is on your mind, or your heart.” Her mom touched her softly on her chest.

            “I have to dance in front of the whole village?”

            “Don’t think about the village, think about your ke’leh.” _Anakin?_ Yeah, he was the last person she should think about when dancing. She was going to make a fool out of herself!


	7. Chapter 7

            He was sitting in the middle of a semi-circle of people. The villagers had taken down the fighting ring and lit a campfire off to one side. After the wrestling match, every one of the men that had been contenders had come up and congratulated him. He appreciated that they’d been such good sports about it. He hadn’t even used the force as he’d assumed that wouldn’t be fair in the least. Their fighting style had been unique compared to what he was used to in sparring sessions at the temple, but it hadn’t been all that difficult to adjust to it. Ahsoka had vanished shortly after he’d been crowned the winner and he had no idea where she’d gone. It wasn’t that he wanted to brag or anything, but he was feeling pretty pleased with himself. He’d been unsure of what kind of trials they were going to throw him into, but if they involved fighting, he could handle that. He did it all the time.

            He’d been a little worried that they wouldn’t be very happy about an outsider beating them at their own game, but to his surprise, they’d seemed to accept him more as one of them. He’d never really known what it was like to be part of a tribe. He kept thinking he needed to remind Ahsoka not to get attached, but in reality, it was himself that he needed to remind not to get attached. Admittedly, this was the first place he’d ever been where he actually felt like he fit in. Which, as he looked around at the people that were so different from him with their colorful skin and horns and head tails… was the oddest sensation. Maybe it wasn’t about what was on the outside that created that sense of belonging.

            He thought about what he and Ahsoka had talked about this morning. _Home._ What a weird word. Tatooine had never been home because he’d had no love for the planet or his life there. But his mother had made it bearable. Any sense that Tatooine _could_ be home had died with her. Coruscant didn’t feel like home either, nor did the Jedi temple. But at least there he had Padmé, Rex, Ahsoka, Obi wan and the Chancellor. So, it _felt_ like it could be home, but what if something happened to them? He’d always assumed _home_ meant a place, but his had flesh and blood. And his could die.

            He shook the sudden weight that had fallen on him. He didn’t want to think about it anymore. No matter what he felt here or anywhere else for that matter, he had a duty to the people of the Republic and to the people he loved. When her rite was over, they’d be returning to the war. It didn’t matter if he belonged here. It didn’t matter if she did. They’d be leaving again in a few days.

            Music started playing and he looked up as three women walked forward and started dancing in the empty space in front of them. Each of them was wearing a colorful dress that complemented their skin tone. They synchronized their movements with each other and the music. Their dance appeared to be a traditional tribal dance and he enjoyed the pattern of their movements. He let them distract him from the pain and nodded happily in time to the drums.

            Then all at once, they stopped. Silence fell around the village. He looked around confused, wondering if this was part of the show. It seemed abrupt and unexpected. But everyone else was just sitting there watching the still dancers, _waiting_. He looked up in surprise when they parted.

            Ahsoka was standing there, looking nervous and definitely uncomfortable. She was dressed in a bright yellow flowing skirt and a matching top that exposed her midriff. But it complemented the light orange color of her skin nicely. A maroon colored shawl was wrapped diagonally across her and thrown over her shoulder. The edges of the dress were embroidered in intricate shapes and patterns with golden and white thread. She moved forward awkwardly, and he felt for her. He noticed that as she moved, there was a soft jingling sound and he caught sight of leather wraps around her wrists and ankles with bells attached to them. It was the only sound at that moment, so it felt louder than it really was. She curled her lips and glanced around at the waiting villagers, her eyes widening.

            _It’s okay, Snips, breathe…_ he thought. She glanced over her shoulder at Yadigan who patted her chest and mouthed something about her heart. She tried to nod but it was so subtle, he could feel her tremor of fear. Her eyes found his and he smiled at her, nodding reassuringly to encourage her.

            She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and he felt her reach out for the force. He reached out too, to meet her halfway, trying to give her any comfort he could. He’d never seen her dance before, she’d always been more acrobatic, but she twirled and spun a lot when fighting. Maybe that was a good start?

            As though she’d just thought the same thing, she kicked off the ground and used her right leg to spin herself around repeatedly. The crowd cheered as she moved, and he admired the way the flowy skirt rolled through the air like waves in the sea. She’d started out slow at first, but slowly increased her speed. She’d step to the side and twirl, step to the other side and twirl. He could still sense her uncertainty about it and he wished he could comfort her. He had no idea what dancing had to do with her coming of age, but he knew this was something she had to figure out for herself. It probably was just another ritual, since music and art were deeply embedded in their culture.

            He did notice, that even though she wasn’t completely sure what she was doing, there was a steady rhythm to it and eventually the drums started playing to match her movements. After a few minutes, a flute-like instrument came softly in, like wind through the reeds and it gave her dance a more ethereal quality. Pretty soon a stringed instrument joined in, that had a gravelly but not altogether unpleasant tone as it wove the drums and flute together in a textural way that gave him chills.

            He relaxed some when he noticed her start to gain confidence in what she was doing as she absorbed the music. _I knew you could do it, Snips._ He smiled, sharing in the moment as her fear gave way to joy. He watched the way she moved, drawn to the jingling sounds of her feet and hands as they rose and fell to the beat. She pulled the sash off her and waved it around like a ribbon in a pattern that was telling its own story. The music lulled, and she froze. He watched the fabric settle around her ankles and looked up at her face.

            His jaw dropped before he could hold it when he met her eyes. They were bright and vivid blue, peeking out over the maroon fabric in front of her. There was a fire in them he’d never seen before, that had nothing to do with the campfire nearby. He swallowed hard at the intensity of her gaze. She looked… _hungry…_

            Everything else faded into a grayish white nothingness around them. It was just her and just him. And the invisible force that seemed to leap between them and intertwine as though holding hands. He could hear the whispers and the movements of the people that sat nearby, but they felt so far away.

            She dropped the sash and his gaze drifted down her body without his control. When had this kid become a woman? He blinked at her in surprise as she started moving again. Slowly, rhythmically. The roll of her hips, the graceful arch of her arms… her movements were hypnotic, and he couldn’t look away as it heated his blood. He struggled to breathe as her eyes seemed to linger only on him. He could feel the way she moved the air as though it rippled along their force bond and into his soul.

            He blinked trying to pull himself together, but for what seemed like ages, all he could think about was her. It felt like he could start panting at any moment as his head swelled with warmth. He was getting kind of dizzy and tried to relax. This didn’t mean anything, this was just a dance. Part of the ritual, part of the trial. He really needed to get a grip.

            She sashayed forward towards him and he had the strongest urge to reach out and grab her, pulling her into his lap. But she teased him by staying just out of reach. He sat up like he was going to go after her and someone set their hand on his shoulder. Finally, the spell broke and he blinked around like he might faint.

            The music stopped and so did she. There was a burst of noise as people leapt to their feet and cheered, running to wrap her into a hug or pat him on the back. He fell off his heels, but otherwise couldn’t find the strength to get up. What the kriff had just happened? This was Ahsoka, his best friend. She wasn’t his girlfriend, lover or wife, so why was he suddenly thinking about her that way? He dropped his face in his hands and took a deep breath trying to pull himself together.

            He could feel her reaching for him, but he wasn’t able to look up at her for a few minutes. When he finally did, she was chewing on her lip like she was worried she’d done something wrong. He shook his head at her. She’d done nothing wrong. She’d done whatever she was supposed to do to complete her trial. But what was wrong with him? He stood up feeling shaky.

            “Did her dance please you?” He glanced to the side when Saron stepped up next to him.

            “Yes,” he said honestly. _That was the problem._

            “That is excellent news,” her father said. “It warms me to see her so happy.” He set his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. “I’ve never seen that kind of connection before during the watap, what the two of you have is very special. Det Suun smiles upon you both.”

            “Um, thank you,” Anakin replied, brushing his hair out of his eyes and glancing back at Ahsoka in the sea of well-wishers. It _was_ special; their bond. He knew that. It had taken him a long time to admit to himself that the one he had with his student was far stronger than the one he had with his own master. But thinking these kind of thoughts about his padawan was going to lead him down a dangerous road. He’d better make sure she wasn’t thinking that way about him either.


	8. Chapter 8

         He heard her long before he felt her, the jingling bells gave her away. She fell in stride next to him as he walked out into the grasslands towards one of the rivers and wandered alongside it. She didn’t say anything, so he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. She was still wearing the bright yellow two-piece dress, but she had the maroon shawl wrapped around her shoulders and tucked up under her lekku. He supposed he shouldn’t be surprised she’d followed him when he’d left the village. But after what happened, he’d needed to step away for a bit.

            The sun sloped down towards the distant horizon as late afternoon fell away to the evening. In the distance he could hear the cackling cries of wingmaw as they fought over their dinner. He didn’t know why he felt so guilty about feeling what he had. Was it really all that unnatural to enjoy a dance? He looked at her again as she stared straight ahead. She was carrying herself differently. He could tell she was nervous, but not the same way she’d been before the dance. Her chin tilted up, her shoulders were back. Whether he liked it or not, she _had_ grown up. Impossibly fast in the last two days. Or maybe she’d been growing up for awhile and he’d only just noticed.

            As tense as he was, the sound of the bells as she walked was soothing him. They meandered for a good thirty minutes before they found a couple rocks along the shoreline and sat down on them. She pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them, staring at the running water beside them. That dress was very pretty on her. He’d never before cared much for bright colors. He wanted to tell her that, but he didn’t know how.

            “I’m sorry, master,” she said after awhile.

            “For what, Ahsoka?”

            “For that.” She blinked slowly and looked at the dirt. “I don’t know what I was doing.” She chewed on her bottom lip, a habit she’d always done when she felt she was in trouble.

            “Don’t be,” he said. 

            “But…”

            “Listen,” he interrupted her. “I don’t know anything about your culture or your people. Whatever is happening is clearly important to your village, to you and to this rite of passage. So, don’t be sorry for it. We’ll worry about it later.”

            “That’s not what I meant,” she breathed and brought her hands up to rub her shoulders. “My mother kept telling me to dance what was in my heart. I didn’t know what she meant. I don’t dance, it’s not something I was raised to do at the temple.” She seemed to pick her words carefully. “I thought I was just supposed to put on some kind of show, something to entertain everyone as a celebration after the fight. But then I looked up at you and I felt things I’ve never felt before. Things I shouldn’t feel. It came out like I had no control over it.” She stood up looking embarrassed. “It didn’t mean anything. It _can’t_  mean anything.” 

            She started to go. “Ahsoka, wait.” She looked like she wasn’t going to stop but she did. “There’s nothing wrong with getting caught up in the heat of the moment.” He stood up and came over to where she was standing. “It doesn’t make you less of a Jedi.” He stepped in front of her to meet her eyes.

            “But what if something like that happens when we’re on the battlefield?”

            “Are you going to start dancing during fights?” he smirked.

            “Well, no, but…”

            He took her by the shoulders. “Emotions are a part of you. Of us. Sometimes you’re going to feel things you don’t want to feel, or you know you shouldn’t. But feeling them doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. You just have to learn how to push them aside and do what needs to be done anyways. If those feelings start becoming a distraction, then you need to reevaluate how you deal with them.” He squeezed her softly and she relaxed a little. She still looked unsure about what he was saying, but he didn’t blame her. He was unsure about it too. It was always easy to say it, not quite as easy to do it. He had the same problem. It was yet another way they were alike. But he had a feeling the way they’d connected in the force during her dance would haunt him for a long time. Not because it felt bad, but rather… because it had felt really good.

            “Master?” she asked, looking up at him sheepishly. “Did I make you uncomfortable during the dance?”

            “Of course not, Ahsoka,” he tried to give her a reassuring smile. She looked unconvinced but let it go. “Come on, let’s get you back before they miss you. You don’t want to keep your audience waiting.”

            He put his arm around her shoulders and led her back to the village. Somehow, they were going to need to get through this week, if he had to pretend the whole time, he would. This was about her, this was  _for_  her, and he definitely did not want to ruin it just because he was feeling things he shouldn’t be. For everything she’d done for him since becoming his padawan, he owed her that much. The last thing he needed was her worrying that she was doing it wrong. He already knew how hard it was for her to feel confident she was going to complete the rite she knew nothing about, he didn’t want to make it harder on her.

            “Hey,” he said when they got closer to the village. “For this week, forget about being a Jedi. For one week, you’re a Togruta first. Enjoy it.”

            “But I _am_ a Jedi and I don’t want to forget that,” she replied stubbornly.

            “I meant, don’t worry about following the Jedi code to the letter right now. This is more important.”

            She was about to protest but they were spotted and called over for the meal. He hugged her to him to reassure her and then led her into the village.

            Once they were seated together at the table and chatting happily with the people that sat near them, the food was passed around the table. He hadn't eaten anything this delicious in years. There were a variety of smoked or roasted meats, some he was familiar with, others not so much. Nuna, uxi beast, nexu, wingmaw... each had their own distinct flavor. Many blossoms and herbs had been dried and chopped and used as spices. The flavor was as colorful and varied as the landscape and the people. Charred or boiled vegetables often accompanied the meats. Sweet or citrusy fruits were used as palette cleansers or desserts. For living nowhere near the capital, they had plenty of fineries. As he'd been coming to learn, they made nearly everything themselves, and they took pride in all of it; whether it was the meal, the clothes they wore or the decorations around the village. 

            He was enjoying his time here far too much and he found himself wondering if she was going to have to drag him back to Coruscant at the end of the week. Maybe when the war was over, Ahsoka could bring him and Padmé here and show her around too. Though, Jedi weren’t supposed to have attachments, so staying in touch with your family was out of the question. By that point however, he had no intention of being a Jedi anymore after the war. As for Ahsoka, he glanced over at her, he figured she’d probably bend the rules for them anyways. It was some of why they got along so well. She wasn’t afraid to overstep the boundaries just a bit to go along with his crazy ideas. So maybe he wasn’t being a great teacher by encouraging that, but she knew better than even himself when to draw the line. Though he hated to admit that. Maybe he hadn’t been born on Shili, but he felt like it might always be a part of him too. Just like she would be.

            "I wish to propose a toast," Saron said, holding up a cup. Everyone else fell silent and turned their attention to him. "To my daughter, Ahsoka. From the moment you came into this world, we knew you were special. We knew your destiny would lead you beyond the grasslands and the sea. The day the Jedi came to take you away was both our greatest joy and deepest sorrow. Det Suun smiled on us and humbled us, reminding your mother and I, that gifts like you are meant to be shared. I'm ignorant of the Jedi way of life, but I rest happy because when I look up at the stars, your light will always be the brightest among them; and your strength will carry us all. To Ahsoka."

            "To Ahsoka!" Was echoed around the table. Anakin reached his hand around her and squeezed her gently in a hug.

            "No pressure," he whispered near her head.

            She turned to look at him and he grinned. She pursed her lips for a moment but then laughed. "Thanks," she said, rolling her eyes. "Do you believe in destiny?"

            "That is not a dinner topic," he murmured, trying to pretend the subject didn't bother him. 

            "In other words, it's another one of those questions you'll never answer," she sighed softly, but let the subject drop. Sometimes he _wished_ he could talk to her about these things. Of all the people in his life, he had a feeling she'd actually understand. But every time he thought he might, he found a reason not to. She was a good friend, but she was also his student; and the idea of pouring out his fears and doubts to someone he was supposed to be teaching and inspiring, curled his toes. She was also one of the few people who made him feel important, not just because he might be some chosen one. She looked up to him and he really,  _really_  didn't want to let her down. Even if he knew someday, he probably would. But every day they didn't get to that, was another day he could just appreciate her company. And perhaps the longer this went on, the safer he felt having her in his life. 

            He hadn't realized until he met her eyes, that he still had his arm around her and was still leaning in close to her. He swallowed and sat up, as though he was going to focus on eating instead. He could feel her watching him out of the corner of her eye. Why was it so hard to just let her in? He almost laughed,  _why? Because letting them in means you might lose them; not on the battlefield, but because they want nothing more to do with you._


	9. Chapter 9

            He rolled over when he heard her starting to get up for the day. Their hut was small and round, but not as uncomfortable as he'd expected. It was just barely longer and wider than his height in all directions. The floors and structure were wood, but padded by furs and pillows. Thick canvas wrapped around the wooden posts to form the walls. The circular roof was woven grass, thatched thickly above their heads. The activities and emotions each day had worn him out, but the last two nights he'd slept better than he ever had. No nightmares, no restlessness, no pain... well the pain was there, just it was a dull pain here. Something annoying but easily forgettable. He'd had a little trouble falling asleep last night though, since every time he closed his eyes he'd see her dancing through his brain. 

            He peered over the blankets and watched her as she went about wrapping her ankles in leather like she was getting ready for her morning run. She didn't do it a lot at the temple, but whenever they were out on missions, if the situation allowed it, she would go on runs. He liked to run too, but probably not for the same reasons she did. He studied her maturing face. She was becoming very attractive; growing into her cheeks and her eyes were not quite so dramatically big. It was almost as though a sculptor had started chiseling away at the extra skin to reveal the true form underneath. 

            Her body was filling out too, despite being modestly covered during the dance, it had exaggerated her feminine features. It was almost as though it too was preparing for this rite of passage. She was still lean, but far more fit than scrawny now. The muscles in her arms, legs and abdomen were visible but not pronounced. Though the clothes were mostly loose fitting and light, they would sometimes cling to her in a way that made you take notice of her maturing, curvier form. He shook himself and laid his head back against the pillow. What the kriff was wrong with him? 

            As much as he'd enjoyed the dance, he almost wished he'd never seen it. He was afraid he'd never look at her the same way again. Which wouldn't be quite as bad of a problem if he wasn't already married.  _This is your padawan! Get a grip!_

            "Hey!" she whispered, blocking his view of the ceiling. "You awake?"

            He made a face at her and she just laughed. "Unfortunately." He was suddenly fascinated by the way her head tails could seem so stiff, but dangle there almost like hair might. He had the strongest urge to reach out and touch one of them. He resisted. "Are you going for a run again?"

            "I was thinking about it. But since you are awake, I'd rather spar with you." She sat back and looked a little embarrassed. "I mean, I know there's all these rituals and things that I have to do, but I still want to train." She turned so she was staring at the entrance of the hut, and wrapped her arms around her legs. He watched her take a deep breath. "Everyone's been so nice and all, and I'd love to get to know them, but I know I'm not supposed to get attached to them and..." she trailed off. 

            He propped himself up on his elbows. "And what?" She glanced over her shoulder at him, her eyes a little wider than normal. The colored stripes on her montrals brightened several shades. They seemed to do that whenever she blushed. He thought it was cute. They seemed to change shades of blue depending on her mood. 

            "I miss my time with you," she whispered finally.

            He smiled softly. Yeah... he enjoyed their time together too. "Well then, let's go train!" Her whole face lit up and he chuckled to himself.  _Why? Why did she enjoy being pushed so hard?_  She was always so eager to do anything he suggested or to try and keep up with him. "With or without our lightsabers?"

            "Without," she said firmly. "Just sticks and the force."

            "Alrighty then," he muttered, pulling himself to his feet, forgetting that the hut wasn't very tall and bonking his head. She giggled as he rubbed his head and scowled at the beam. 

            "You're too tall!"

            "Tell me about it." She slipped through the folds of canvas that made up the entrance and disappeared. When he followed a moment later he stood there in the morning sun surprised that half the village was already bustling about. They sure seemed to get up early around here, what kind of schedule did they have to keep? Everything he'd seen so far seemed so relaxed. Obviously, there were chores that needed to be done to survive, but otherwise, it seemed they had no pressing matters to keep them on such early schedules. Especially when they stayed up late in the evenings. Perhaps it was a way they were in tune with the planet itself? Rising with the sun every morning, like Ahsoka. Or maybe early morning was a good time to hunt.

            The climate was temperate here, not too hot, not too cold. It was a refreshing change from Tatooine where he'd been raised and Coruscant where he lived. The sun was warm but the breeze made it bearable. He could definitely get used to it. Though he wasn't sure why he was even considering it as a place he'd want to settle someday. He doubted Padmé would find this place appealing for anything other than a visit. It was too far removed from the luxuries and wealth of her home planet of Naboo. But he found it odd, that though he'd not heard a single mention of credits or money since arriving, other than paying for the spaceport berth and the ikopis, there was nothing poor about the village or its people. In fact, he might even go so far as to say they were quite rich. 

            They didn't seem to be hurting for food, materials or resources. But beyond the physical necessities for survival they were rich in spirit and culture and pride. Though he'd teased Ahsoka about the toast her father had given, he'd been surprised at how easily they'd accepted and found peace in the idea that their daughter was meant for bigger things. As far as he knew, she seemed to be their only child and had been very respected and very important as the daughter of the village chief. Yet they held no ill will towards the Jedi for taking her away. They'd welcomed her home with open arms and they even seemed to perfectly accept that when this week was over, they'd probably never see her again. If letting go was a lesson he actually wanted to learn, these would be the people that could teach him.

            "Think fast, Skyguy!" He had his hand up to catch the stick she'd thrown before he could think about it at all. Reflexes saved his skin more than he cared to admit. He looked up at her and smirked. She just laughed in response and started running towards the edge of the village. He shook his head but smiled anyways and followed her to the outskirts of the huts. 

            "You think you're so clever, Snips," he teased as she stopped and turned back around holding two sticks that were roughly the same length as her lightsabers when lit. He sized up the stick she'd thrown him and then her, ready to wipe that grin off her face. Not because it was bad, but he felt it might be time to give her another lesson in humility. 

            They bowed to each other, like they did before every sparring session, and then they went at it. There was no working up slowly between them, they were both intense and willing to push themselves. She leapt at him right off the bat and he deflected her strike and swung at her as she rolled out of the way. He bent his knees, holding his stick up and to the side. Rolling his shoulders to ready his defense. She ran at him, spinning before she got there, swung once with her right hand and swept low enough he had to jump so she didn't hit him in the shins. 

            He sometimes hated how short she was because she fought low to the ground and it could be backbreaking to stay bent to defend it or to keep jumping out of the way. The worst part though, was she was also incredibly acrobatic, so she could come at you from above too, and she had this way of making it feel like she could hit you from all sides even if you know her to only be on one side. So even though he was the teacher, he had to admit on more than one occasion she challenged him too. Sparring with her had definitely honed his abilities to prepare for anything coming from any direction. And because she'd recently gotten a second lightsaber she was even more unpredictable and harder to anticipate.

            Though he'd noticed she was really struggling to coordinate her movements between the two. She still led with her right hand but would often bring the other around as an afterthought. "Hey," he called to her. "Drop the right stick and lead with your left hand."

            "That is so awkward!" she said in frustration.

            "I know, but you'll never get any better at it if you don't get used to the feel of the second one," he replied gently. She'd loved the idea of dual wielding at first, honored that she'd been chosen to carry two lightsabers. But she'd quickly become flustered with it, hating how hard it was to control both arms independently of each other. Every Jedi learned to fight with one or two, as jar kai was a powerful form. But it was rare for a padawan to be called to the gathering twice. He was proud that she was one of them, but sometimes it felt like he was struggling to guide her in fighting with this form. It felt like he was failing as her teacher.

            Jar kai required excellent coordination, which she had. It also required intense upper body and arm strength, which she also had. The problem was, when she'd only fought with one saber, she preferred the reverse grip, which to him, was incredibly awkward. And add the second saber to that, and she struggled to use them both in the normal grip, often defaulting to one forward and one reverse. So, then she'd become lethal with her right hand, the reverse grip that she was used to, and fumble with her left hand in the forward grip she wasn't used to. 

            Personally, he hated that she preferred the reverse grip and constantly tried to get her to perform jar kai with both sabers forward. Reverse grip was powerful when wielded properly for offensive strikes, but terrible for defending and protecting. He'd tried to get her to use form five, which was his preferred form, and though she could do it, it was hard for her because she was so small. She had strength but no momentum, so she couldn't get any power behind heavy swings with both hands on the same saber.

            After she struggled for a few minutes, fighting only with her left hand he made a signal for her to stop. "Argh!" she cried out. "I'm never going to figure this out! Why was I chosen to carry two?" She looked close to tears. 

            He took her shoulders in his hands. "Take a deep breath, Snips," he whispered. "Learning anything new takes time. I think we're going about this all wrong."

            She looked up at him her eyes watery. "I'm all wrong!"

            "No, you're not." He squeezed her on the shoulders. "Let's think about this okay? What feels wrong about the one in your left hand?"

            "I don't have control over it. Even when I'm leading with it, it feels like it's just poking air in the opposite direction it should be," she sighed. 

            "Opposite, hmm?" He crossed his arms and furrowed his brow as he thought about what she was saying. "Alright, I know I'm going to hate this, but pick up the right stick again." She looked confused, but she pulled the one she'd dropped back to her hand. "Show me your jar kai." She put both sticks forward, one high, one low and crouched in readiness. He made a circle around her. Her form was perfect, he couldn't find a single fault. That wasn't the reason she was struggling. "Alright," he said. "Put your right hand into the reverse grip." She obeyed and again he walked around her. As he did so, he noticed that many of the villagers had gathered on the edge to watch them. Now how long had they been standing there? "Okay, now for the experiment."

            "What experiment?" she asked in confusion. 

            "Turn your left saber reverse too."

            "Are you crazy? I already can't control it, now you want me to swing it backwards?" she huffed in annoyance. 

            "Just try it, Snips. You're the one that said it feels like you're swinging it opposite of the direction it should be." She looked like she was about to argue, but finally shrugged and spun it into the reverse grip. "How does it feel?"

            "Weird," she said.

            "Weirder than holding it normally?"

            "No..." 

            "Alright, then time to try it." He pulled his back into his form five, holding it in preparation for Djem So; lightsaber to lightsaber combat. "Ready?" She looked doubtful but then nodded. "Time in."

            She ran forward, low to the ground, swinging her right saber like she usually did. He blocked the strike but was taken by surprise when he got hit in the gut with the other one. He danced around her, struggling to miss both of them. As strange as it was to see her swing them backwards, it was like something had clicked for her. All at once she became more coordinated and could swing the left one hard enough to make contact after the right one came in first to distract and keep his saber busy. 

            He felt her confidence grow as she repeatedly was able to move her left stick with intention and she threw more and more power into it. The speed at which she was able to regenerate her attacks from either side made it difficult to do anything other than block, and even that was getting harder. Not long into it, he'd been forced to switch to shien and defend only. 

            He grinned at her when she brought both sticks up against his and had her teeth gritted in determination. "Don't look now, but we seem to have gathered an audience," he whispered. 

            She ducked under his arm, rolled to the side and glanced over her shoulder at the entire village that was standing there watching them spar. "Oh brother..." he heard her breathe and she flipped out of the way of his swing. But as though suddenly the stakes had changed, she threw everything she had into the fight. The next thing he knew he felt his legs swept out from under him and was staring up at her from the dirt. 

            She had her stick pointed at his throat, her lips parted as she panted from the exertion. "Not bad, Snips," he said proudly. "Not bad at all." She smiled once she caught her breath. Then she helped him to his feet. They bowed to each other to mark the end of their sparring session. "That's why you were chosen to carry two. I knew you could do it. How'd it feel?"

            "Weird at first. But then, I don't know, suddenly it made sense," she replied. "Thank you, master."

            He grabbed her around the shoulders and gave her a hug. "You're welcome. Reverse grip is not my preferred method, but it would seem, it's the right one for you."

            They looked up as several villagers came forward. He recognized a couple of them as the ones he'd wrestled with the day before. "That was amazing!" one of them said as they reached Ahsoka. "Would you show us some of your moves?"

            He scowled a little as all the men crowded around her begging her for instruction. "Hey now, I'm here too!" They ignored him, and he rolled his eyes and got out of the way, so she could show them a few things. Sure, she finally figures out how to use her second saber and now she thinks she's an expert. So much for the humility lesson. 

            He leaned back against a nearby tree and crossed his arms, watching as she lined up the five men and worked them through a couple of basic moves. He smirked to himself, but found he was getting increasingly agitated whenever she'd touch them to move their elbows or legs. What the kriff? There was no harm in her teaching them, but maybe it wasn't the touch that bothered him so much as the way they watched her with doe eyes, pleased with themselves every time they got her attention on them. Did they still think she was going to fall in love with one of them and stay here?

            He had half a mind to march over there and interrupt her lesson when he saw the self-satisfied smirk one of them made when she put her arms around him to help position his body. Why was this heating his blood so much? It was an innocent training lesson. He did this all the time when teaching her. One of them looked up at him and gave a challenging nod as though he believed in a rematch, he'd win. His fingers tightened. But then he noticed that Ahsoka was looking at him questioningly and he released his fist and took a deep breath.  _Oh great_. He should be proud that they wanted to learn from her, it meant he'd taught her well. This was her moment. It was probably just an innocent situation in which she was one of them so they felt more comfortable asking her for the lesson. So why was he reading so much into it?

            He took a deep breath and turned his back, staring out across the grasslands. Why? Because he was the best Jedi the galaxy had ever seen, right? So why wouldn't they want to learn from him? He glanced over his shoulder again and saw her laugh at something one of them said. Then she blushed and looked down at her feet. She was enjoying their attention just a little too much. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  _Push it aside. Get through this week._ None of this would matter once they were back at the temple. 

            He opened his eyes and saw one of them brush her elbow with their hand. She smiled and even from where he stood he saw the sparkle in her blue eyes. Suddenly he wanted them only on him. She seemed to have completely forgotten her earlier sentiment about missing her time with him. This was going to be a long week...


	10. Chapter 10

            She was enjoying teaching the guys how to fight so much she lost track of time. They were all so eager to learn. They seemed convinced that she could teach them how to beat Anakin, which was hilarious. She wasn't sure how she'd beaten him herself. Every so often she'd get the upper hand, but he was a far more formidable opponent than whatever their sparring session this morning might have shown. 

            But she was feeling pretty proud of herself at the moment that she'd finally had a breakthrough with the second saber and that was all because of him. His patience in her training, and his willingness to think outside the box, was the reason she'd found her groove. It wouldn't make sense to tell these men that, so she didn't. The hardest struggle for all of them seemed to be figuring out how to use the stick as a weapon. 

            It reminded her of the way it had felt at the temple trying to learn how to use utensils. Lightsabers had been so foreign to her, the concept of wielding something other than your bare hands; she didn't understand it at all. Now here amongst her people again, she was starting to see why she'd struggled with it for so long. There were no weapons. No blasters, no guns, no bows or spears. They had knives for carving, but otherwise... she looked down at her hands and thought about her hunter teeth. The men, when fighting in the ring, they'd bowed their heads and charged. Their bodies were their weapons. When it came time for her to hunt, she was going to have to figure out how to do the same. 

            She wasn't sure how long she'd been training them, but at some point, her mother called her over. In the center of the village, which seemed to be where all the major activities occurred, several tables had been set up with all sorts of interesting things. One was piled high with fabric pieces of all shapes and sizes, another had mounds of clay and roughly shaped dishes. Yet another one had metals and gemstones along with tools to shape them, on a table in the back were furs and hides. One off to the left had flowers and herbs and bunches of grasses tied together with string. 

            They'd erected tall posts in and around the sprawling tables full of activities with large canvas fabric strung across them to shade them from the sun. There were buckets full of water, and lots of different colored dirt. Upon closer inspection there were spinning wheels and needles, beads, dyes, leather sheets and drawing utensils, sculpting turntables, and a large kiln. Everywhere she looked there were any number of things to do. She'd known her people were more than hunters, that they made all sorts of things with their hands. But she was overwhelmed by all the different things they did. The Jedi didn't allow belongings, so working with your hands was really only done in fighting. 

            She didn't know how to sew or embroider, draw, sculpt or anything really. "What is all this?" she asked her mom as she led her from table to table. 

            "They call it meht's ahnu, which means 'mother's bounty,'" Yadigan replied. "Once a week they set up all these tables and spend the day creating things to celebrate their culture and show appreciation to the greatest provider; the planet itself. Though the planet provides the resources, the women are typically also viewed as the providers." Her mom chuckled. "That took some getting used to." She looked around at the realization that most of the people sewing or sculpting or creating were in fact, the men. Women were intermingled amongst them working on the activities too, but the men seemed to be the main crafters. 

            "But isn't father the chief? He seems to have led most of the activities," she commented, looking around thoughtfully. 

            "We just let them think they're in charge, it makes them feel important," her mom winked at her. "But women are considered the providers because they’re the ones that hunt. Men can feed a family, women can feed a village. From their bodies, life."

            "Do you hunt?" she looked at her mom in surprise.

            "Do I look like I can hunt, de’he’ren?" her mom laughed. Then she reached out and took her front lekku in her hands and held them softly. "I wouldn't stand a chance against an akul, let alone a nexu or a mawvorr! No, I stay here and help the men create. Your father loves me anyways." She smiled good-naturedly. "Look at you, how much you've grown. When you were born, I couldn't wait to watch you grow up. To see who you'd become. But fate, or as you probably call it, the force, intervened." Her mother sounded sad and nostalgic for a moment, a flicker of regret blinked through her eyes. Then she shook herself and plastered a smile back on her lips. "To see you now though, strong and brave...  _happy_... it makes the sacrifice worth it. We are glad you've found your place out there, and glad you found such a wonderful ke'leh. Mmmm..." 

            "Anakin?" They both turned to see him coming into the middle of the tables, looking around curiously. "Yeah, he's pretty great," she sighed. "I'm very lucky." He was the person at the temple that everyone looked up to and admired. Every youngling dreamed of the day they'd get chosen to be his padawan. He set the bar for what a Jedi should be. That's how they saw him. She had no idea why she'd been chosen to be his padawan, but that had been the scariest and greatest day of her life. At least until she thought she'd completely failed her first mission with him and he'd toss her back like a defective droid. She'd been lucky he was a good mechanic; and a patient and caring one. Taking pride in shaping something others saw as useless into a workable magnificent creation. She wasn't sure she'd ever be that for him, but that was one of the reasons she pushed herself so hard; she wanted to prove to anyone that was paying attention, most especially him, that the time and energy he invested in her was not wasted. 

            "Of course you are." Her mom squeezed her. "Even though the men are the crafters, women do it too. Try new things, teach each other and give thanks to the meht's ahnu."

            Her mom left her standing there, watching Anakin deep in thought. How different she suspected her life would have turned out had it not been for him. She'd been such a loner at the temple, and it went deeper than the Jedi reserve. She'd been teased and looked down on. She worked hard to prove them all wrong, but that had only ostracized her more; because suddenly she was the teacher's pet. Many of the younglings her age had been scared of her, afraid she could hurt them or would bite. There'd been rumors going around more than once that Togruta secreted poison in their gums and could kill someone if they _did_ bite them. So many people had been convinced of that, she still wasn't sure if that were true. Here she was surrounded by her people, now was the perfect time to ask. But doing so would make her feel like an idiot. 

            Master Plo had brought her to the temple, he'd been the kindest one to her by far, but he hadn't volunteered to train her when she was old enough to become a padawan. In fact, despite being top of her class, she was overlooked repeatedly when padawans were chosen. She'd been starting to believe that her mere existence made her wrong. Like the others, she'd dreamed of being Anakin's padawan, but she'd held no false hope she could be. He hadn't wanted one, but even if he had... why would he choose the one nobody else wanted either?

            And then... master Yoda had sent her to Christophsis to meet her new master; the chosen one himself. He'd been cold, dismissive and grumpy about the whole thing. She'd been determined to prove herself, but in her eagerness, she'd made almost every rookie mistake you could make. She'd been so sure that she'd failed as badly at being a padawan as she had at the group hunt. 

            He looked up suddenly from the table he'd been looking at and met her eyes. She blushed but didn't look away.

            Then for reasons she still didn't understand, he'd agreed to train her anyways. Lucky didn't even come close to the way that had felt. His patience and persistence, more than that, his _belief_ in her, was the reason she was doing as well as she was. So, her mom thought she was lucky that she'd found such a wonderful friend... if only she knew just how deep it went. 

            He hiked a brow at her as though to ask why she was staring and she looked at the dirt. She really wished she knew how to tell him just how important he was to her. That was why he was the first and frankly, only, person she'd wanted to come with her for this. Shaak Ti had told her it was tradition to bring a friend, someone important to you, to bear witness to the rite of passage that would shape your entire future. There was no one more important to her than him. She loved plenty of other people, but he held the highest place in her heart. Which was very un-Jedi-like. That's why when she'd looked over the shawl at him during the dance, and seen him watching her, his face lit up in silent encouragement, her own markings painted on his face as though he were her biggest fan... she'd stopped holding back. She'd done exactly what her mother had told her to do; dance what was in her heart. And in her heart, there was only love for him. But maybe he hadn't been quite so ready to know how deep it went. 

            His feet stepped into her field of vision and she blinked up at him, not wanting to cry though the sudden emotions swelled in her, threatening to carry her out to sea. His brows were knitted in concern and before she could question the urge, she threw her arms around his waist and held him tight. She could tell she'd taken him by surprise, but he folded her in tighter and rested his cheek against the top of her head.  _Thank you, master,_  she whispered in the force.  _Thank you for everything._


	11. Chapter 11

            “Look at all this,” she said as though in awe. “According to my mother, they set this up once a week and spend the day creating things out of gratitude to mother Shili for providing for them.” She spun around as though she couldn’t figure out just where to look first or where she wanted to dive in. He was fascinated by all the colorful tables and activities, but he was enjoying watching her enthusiasm more. He had no idea what had come over her a few minutes ago, but he’d felt the change in her, so he’d come over to investigate only to have her throw her arms around him in a hug. Now though, it was like that hadn’t even happened and she was back to her happy optimistic self. “I don’t even know where to start, I want to try it all.” She looked up at him and grinned. He couldn’t help but smile in return but was still curious about the hug. It shouldn’t have been so weird, they hugged all the time. Well, at least when other Jedi weren’t around. Maybe it just seemed to come out of nowhere after how much she’d seemed to be enjoying the attention from the other men. “What do you want to try first?”

            He was struck by the light in her eyes and wondered if his modest sketching abilities could capture it, because he suddenly wanted to. “Um,” he glanced around. He had been so distracted by her, he hadn’t explored all the options available yet. His eyes fell on some thin leather hides with pencils and paints. He wasn’t sure he wanted to let anyone know that he liked to draw, but he wanted to work up to the things he wasn’t so good at. “Let’s start over there.” He pointed to the table with the art supplies and she raced to it.

            They both took up two stools that were too low for him but about the right height for her. The man at the booth nodded for them to help themselves and he pulled a piece of leather towards him, studying it. “I wish they let us do crafts at the temple, I don’t even know where to begin,” she sighed as she awkwardly held the black charcoal pencil over the leather paper.

            “Well, start with an idea. What do you want to draw?” he asked, studying her out of the corner of his eye. She had her tongue in her cheek, staring at the paper with such intense concentration like she could just will an image to appear. If only it worked like that.

            “How about I try to draw you?” she laughed.

            “Drawing people is hard, maybe start out a little easier, like a tree or a flower or something.”

            “That doesn’t sound like as much fun, but okay, I’ll give it a try.” She got up and ran over to the table full of dried flowers, picked one out and came back, setting it on the table in front of her. Then, just like she did whenever she didn’t know how to do something, she went all in. He smiled to himself at her focus as she slowly moved the pencil across the paper trying to create something that resembled the subject in front of her. He’d hate to be that pencil at the moment though, because she had a vice grip on it.

            “Hey, hey,” he said softly, putting his mechanical hand over hers. “You’re going to strangle the poor thing.”

            “Since when are pencils alive?” she smirked at him.

            “They’re not, but you want to start out light. Make a series of soft lines to get the simple outline of what you’re drawing. The first line is rarely ever the right shape and then it’s too dark to remove.” He peeled her fingers off the pencil and then showed her how to hold it, demonstrating a few light strokes. “Once you get a rough shape, then you can start filling in details.”

            “Alright, mister know-it-all,” she muttered. “You do it then.”

            He rolled his eyes at her and picked up his own pencil. He carefully sketched out a small design of the flower in front of them, and slowly increased the pressure to darken the form he wanted to emphasize. She watched him enthralled as he moved deliberately across the leather. Then he turned the pencil in his hand and started gently shading it to give it a more three-dimensional appearance. It had taken him a long time to re-learn how to draw after losing his right arm. He still wasn’t always satisfied with how they turned out, but he’d eventually gotten better at figuring out how to handle changing pressure with a machine when he couldn’t feel how hard he was holding the tool. Once he’d been able to fine tune the mechanical hand, it had gotten easier to make movements that weren’t so jerky. “See?” he said, holding up the piece of leather to show her. “Sometimes you have to go over the image multiple times before what you want starts to appear. It’s a process.”

            She was clearly admiring his simple drawing of the flower but when she saw that he was watching her, she didn’t want to look too impressed and went back to her own drawing. He laughed to himself. “That looks easy enough,” she said stubbornly and put all her focus back on the flower and the drawing in front of her.

            He looked back at his own. He decided to leave the flower he’d drawn off to the side and moved to another part of the hide to start what he really wanted to draw. He couldn’t make up his mind about whether to draw a picture of her as she focused on her own task, as her expression and concentration was just as fascinating. But he decided to try and capture the light he’d seen in her eyes earlier. He moved the pencil across the paper-thin leather, relaxing into every stroke. Drawing had always been therapeutic to him, a way to meditate and escape pain. He drifted into his memory and the force as he worked the image, molding it into what he wanted it to be.

            He lost himself so completely in what he was doing, he didn’t realize that she’d stopped what she was doing and was watching him instead. Or the couple other people that had paused near them to see his image come to life. At least not until he looked up when he’d finished. He looked around a little nervous, not used to other people hanging over him when he drew. It had always been a very private thing to him. One of the few things that had been his and his alone. He didn’t mind Ahsoka knowing all that much, but all the other people present was making him uncomfortable.

            “That’s amazing,” someone whispered from over his right shoulder. He looked back down at what he’d drawn. It wasn’t his best work, but it wasn’t bad either. The leather made the charcoal bleed a little because the tip didn’t stay sharp enough for clean lines. He studied it critically, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. At least it looked like her, that was a good start. She wasn’t his main subject when he drew, but he had drawn her a few times since she’d become his padawan. Suddenly, he didn’t want anyone to know that. It took all his willpower not to hide the drawing and move on.

            She took it from him before he could stop her and ran her fingers gently across the lines as though comparing his to her own. It shouldn’t have bothered him, but he knew what she was thinking. She wanted to know why hers wasn’t as good. Was this the time to tell her he’d been drawing since he was a boy? She was still holding it to her when the people moved on. “I want one of you,” she whispered suddenly.

            He tried to laugh but his smile faded when he saw her eyes. “I don’t draw myself,” he said firmly, cringing at the look of disappointment he got in response.

            “Then I’m going to draw you.” She put the one she’d been working on aside, that didn’t look much like the flower it was supposed to and grabbed a new piece of leather.

            “Snips,” he started, knowing she was going to end up unhappy with the result. People don’t learn how to draw in a couple of hours. She was good at a lot of things, but…

            She shoved the leather into his hands. “You draw it, or I will, and I don’t think you’ll like it if I do.” He had a feeling she’d never let it drop if he didn’t do what she asked so he reluctantly took it from her. He stared at the blank canvas trying to shove his insecurities deep inside. He didn’t draw himself because he didn’t love what he saw when he looked in the mirror. His favorite feature to draw were eyes, and in his there was only pain. He didn’t even draw himself with Padmé, knowing that putting himself in the drawing would ruin it.

            He looked up at her as she stared expectantly at his hands waiting for him to deliver what she wanted. He’d give anything for something to distract her right now, so he didn’t have to do this. Sometimes he felt like his sketches were reflections of the soul not just a physical depiction of whatever he was looking at and he feared what he’d show if he put himself on paper. But he also didn’t want to let her down. He had no idea why she wanted a picture of him so badly. She curled her lips, waiting; _anticipating…_ He tried to take a deep breath.

            “Well?” She looked up when he failed to produce it.

            “I’m not looking at myself,” he tried to joke, swallowing the lump in his throat.

            “Oh, well…” She was on her feet, looking around at all the tables. He watched her as she searched for whatever it was she was hoping to find. He glanced over at the drawing of her she’d set on the table and picked it up. Because he’d drawn the flower first, it had gotten in the way of the portrait so now it looked like it was floating near the right montral. He rubbed out the akul teeth she wore around her horns and filled in the space with other flowers he’d seen since landing here. He smiled at the flower crown that he’d drawn, it seemed so fitting for her.

            “Oh my,” Ahsoka’s mother said from behind him and he almost jumped. “You have quite a skill for drawing! Can I have a look?” He nodded and handed it up to her. “Saron!” she called to her husband on the other end of the tables. He came over and she showed him the drawing. “Look at what her ke’leh drew! Isn’t it beautiful?”

            “It truly is,” Saron said with admiration. “Hey son, would you mind if we kept this? I know she won’t be staying here when the ha’a’neh eh det turu is over, but it would mean a lot to us to have this.” Anakin looked at him, hardly thinking that his drawing was worth all the praise they were giving it, but then he nodded. If Ahsoka was hoping to keep it, he’d have to draw her another one. How could he refuse their request anyways? Drawings of his mother had been the closest thing he’d had to her after being taken to the temple. A picture of someone you loved… could make all the difference.

            “Thank you!” Yadigan bent over and hugged him from behind. The touch so reminiscent of his own mother it caught him completely off guard and took all his strength to not start crying on her. “Thank you,” she said softer, ruffling his hair with her long fingers and kissed him quickly on the cheek. Saron nodded to him, patted him gently on the shoulder and the two of them wandered away, still pouring over the drawing as though it was the most precious thing they’d ever seen.

            A few minutes later Ahsoka returned muttering to herself. “You’d think there’d be at least one mirror in the village.” She sat back down on the stool with a sigh.

            “Hey, it’s okay. I’ll tell you what, I’ll draw you one when we get back to the temple.” Maybe by then he could distract her with other things and she’d forget about it completely.

            “Where’d the other one go?” She looked around, lifting things up like he’d hidden it on her.

            “Your parents wanted it.” He chewed on his lip.

            “Why?” she said before she thought it through. He could always tell when things came out before she processed them. “Oh…”

            “Come on, let’s try another table. At the rate we’re going, we won’t have a chance to try them all.”

            For a moment it looked like she was going to continue her stubborn need for the drawing, but then finally she agreed. “I saw someone making a bowl on my way back, that looks like fun!” She was on her feet heading towards the other table. He almost breathed a sigh of relief that she’d switched her focus to something else. But he had a feeling the other topic wasn’t closed. She had a habit of bringing them back up at the most inconvenient moments. Maybe she wouldn’t if he just explained why he didn’t like pictures of himself. He blew air out the side of his mouth. _Yeah, right._ That would only make her dig in deeper. He could already imagine the conversation if he told her a secret like that.

            By the time he joined her at the second station, she was already standing at one of the turn tables with a pile of clay in front of her. He shook his head. He appreciated her enthusiasm, but she seemed to have no concept that these things were called art for a reason. She expected to just dive in and be good at it immediately. If art was so important to her culture, maybe she’d be a natural at it, but he suspected it still wouldn’t be easy for her. She got frustrated easily when things didn’t work in her favor, but she also had the kind of determination that it could sometimes be next to impossible to tear her away until she figured it out.

            She put her foot on the pedal and started laughing as she was trying to work her hands into the clay. It was leaving streaks of finger marks in a spiraling pattern down the clay. If that was what she was going for, it was definitely her own unique technique. Eventually she managed to start shaping it into something resembling, uh… maybe a bowl? It was hardly smooth and had a very shallow opening. Her biggest problem was continually pushing the pedal, so it kept spinning. After a few minutes, the clay would dry out and not shape for her. She tried to make it deeper, but one side collapsed on her and then flopped around like a fish out of water. The first time that happened it splattered them both.

            “Sorry,” she giggled trying to wipe the stuff out of his hair but only managed to streak the stuff on her hands across his forehead. “Whoops!”

            She looked so worried, he burst out laughing. He took a wet piece off the table in front of her and ran it down her cheek. “How do you like it?”

            “I said I was sorry!” But she laughed anyways and the next thing he knew they were both covered in the stuff.

            When they finished their childish little fight, he studied her face covered in streaks of clay. If they were back at the temple he could almost guarantee someone would come along, probably Obi wan, and tell them that they’d utterly failed to make anything useful. Or that that wasn’t what they were supposed to be doing. Which was one of the reasons he was fairly lenient with Ahsoka when she messed up. No one wanted to feel like everything they did was wrong. And he knew that feeling all too well. When he’d decided to train her, he swore to himself he wasn’t going to do the same thing to her that had been done to him. He couldn’t stop the others from disciplining her at times, but he could block a lot of it. Besides, despite the war or the serious nature of the force and learning calm and clarity, was it really that terrible to have a little fun sometimes? Especially the kind that didn’t put anyone in danger?

            “So now that all your clay is on me, what am I supposed to be?” he smirked at her.

            “Uh, well, I was trying to make a bowl.” She chewed on her lip but laughed when some of it slid down his forehead past his eye and he blinked trying to keep it from going in.

            “Should I sit on the potter’s wheel for you?” He tried to find a bare patch of skin or shirt to wipe his face.

            “I think you’d squish it,” she said matter-of-factly.

            “Yeah, you’re probably right, Snips,” he chuckled. He moved to pick up another chunk of clay and set it down on the wheel. “Alright, pedal.”

            “Don’t tell me you’re an expert on this too.”

            “Well I wouldn’t say expert…”

            “You’ve got to be kidding me.” She threw up her hands. “How do you know how to do all this stuff?”

            “My mom…” he whispered. She seemed to realize that they’d ventured into no man’s land when it came to what they could talk about and what they couldn’t.

            “Okay, so pedal first, then what?” She turned back to the table and he appreciated that she’d let it drop so quickly, because it took a moment to untangle his heartstrings and focus back on what they were doing.

            “Then you want to wet your hands.” He stepped up behind her and dunked both of their hands in the bucket of water and then moved them over to the piece of clay. At some point he took over working the pedal so that she could focus on what she was doing with her hands. “Hold them over it gently. Let the wheel do all the work.” He moved her hands up and down the spinning clay and she relaxed into what they were doing. “Keep them wet,” he breathed softly. He wasn’t thinking about the clay anymore as he became aware of the way her hands felt beneath his. “How you move your hands determines what you shape.” He slid them up, increasing his pressure so it started to bow and narrow at the top. “If you want to put a void in it, then all you do is push down in the center of the top however deep you want it to go.” He guided her fingers up it and pushed them down for her.

            “Uh, master?” she breathed. He blinked a few times and looked at what they were doing.

            “You get the idea,” he said, stepping back. “Just keep your fingers wet and keep pushing the pedal.” He put some distance between them, pretending to be moving on to his own activity. She didn’t say anything, but he could tell she was watching him with her peripheral vision. He wished he knew what was happening to him. Why was it so easy to fall into that with her? When had their relationship changed? Was it all the time alone with her, or was it because of the dance? This was not good, not good at all. But then again… He looked up at her face. _No, don’t go there._


	12. Chapter 12

            Why the kriff hadn’t he thought to put his glove on before working with the clay? He crouched over the river, wishing it had a faster current to clean out the drying chunks now embedded in his mechanical hand. It washed away the bigger pieces, but he could see the brownish red colored sludge deep inside the inner workings of it. He’d been so eager to help Ahsoka with her project that he hadn’t thought it through. In fact, not thinking things through here was beginning to be a problem. Ever since they’d landed on Shili three days ago, it was as though all sense of self control he possessed had simply vanished.

            He dunked the metal back in the water and then tried to pick out the stubborn bits with his left hand, only succeeding to push them in deeper, which was starting to gum up the gears. He flexed his fingers, noticing that they weren’t moving properly anymore. _Great, just great._

            What he’d failed to tell Ahsoka, because he’d already shared too much just mentioning his mother, was that the clay he was used to working with was a gritty, rough and irritating blend of sand. Since Tatooine had so little water you usually only got one shot at making anything, because as soon as it dried, it was all over. Of course, on Tatooine, they had electronic motors to turn the pottery wheels, not a pedal, so you could sculpt a cup or bowl in a quarter of the time. And since slaves didn’t have hardly the access to water that everyone else had, you made only what you needed. There was nothing artistic about it.

            Personally, he preferred sculpting out of other materials, like rocks or bone. Carving was more therapeutic than making crude dishes out of sand. Drawing eased the tension in his soul and carving made him feel powerful that even as a boy he could shape things out of rough materials. In a time when he’d had very little power, that had been very important to him. None of it was really about art though. He took pride in his creations, but they were never really for anyone else. Except his mother and then the small carving he’d given to Padmé when he’d first met her.

            He sat back in frustration, giving up on trying to clean out the rest of the clay and wishing Artoo was here to help him with his hand. He didn’t mind Ahsoka’s company as much anymore, but it was getting weirder to be around her. When he’d first been tasked with caring for a youngling, especially a female one, it had not even occurred to him that it could someday become a problem. He liked Ahsoka well enough, but a relationship with her like that was out of the question and that wasn’t just because she was his padawan or even that they were both Jedi. So maybe what he needed to do was write a message to Padmé and that would put his mind back in the proper place.

            They weren’t anywhere near a communications tower, and not on the ship where he could send a message, but he could still draft one up to send later. She’d probably enjoy some of the adventures they’d had since arriving. He could tell her about all the interesting flowers they’d found and how many reminded him of her. He could picture her soft teasing laughter that these men had challenged him to a fight, even funnier than that, they really thought he’d lose. She’d probably be happy to hear that he’d helped Ahsoka figure out how to use her second saber even though she didn’t understand the technical nuances of lightsaber forms. He could tell her about the ikopis and the goofy way they drank from the rivers. He smiled just thinking about the way she’d listen and enjoy his stories.

            He definitely wouldn’t mention the dance, or that he was sharing a tiny hut with his padawan, and it would be best to leave out whatever had happened at the clay table earlier. But he could tell her that he loved her, and he missed her and that he was sorry that he couldn’t devote his time to her instead. Because all those things were true. Not that he minded giving Ahsoka some of his time, but he already got so little with his wife because of this stupid war. Was it too much to hope that the Jedi made some kind of breakthrough while they were gone, and it would be almost over by the time they got back? _Yeah, of course it was._ He rolled his eyes. Maybe the true problem here was that he didn’t like being out of the action. At least with endless battles it was a lot easier to ignore his growing padawan and she had other things to occupy her mind and other people to distract her, so she didn’t have to cling so tightly to him.

            He sighed. He hated to think things like that. She worked hard for him, but there were times that he still resented having her around. Mainly because she could be way too nosy for her own good. Despite two years together, she had yet to learn just when to let things go. She did sometimes, like earlier when he’d mentioned his mother, but not often enough. He hated the way her big blue eyes seemed to stare right through him as though she were picking him apart in her brain. Whenever he was feeling the deep-rooted need to brood, that was usually when she got the most talkative and the most bossy. So basically, she was good company if she didn’t want to talk about his past and occasionally shut up. That sounded like he really cared, didn’t it?

            He _did_ care about her. He cared about her a lot. More than he wanted to. She wasn’t just an annoying youngling anymore. She was a good friend. They talked for hours after many of their missions. They meditated together. They told stories and joked around. They held friendly little competitions to ease the fear and stress of the battles. She was a good and compassionate leader that he could trust to take care of his men. She looked up to him, she admired him, she did everything she could to make him proud. So why did he get so annoyed by her?

            He looked up when he felt her coming, almost ready to flat out tell her to go away for awhile. But then his eyes drifted down to see that she was carrying several pieces of cloth and the toolkit from his belt that he carried to fix his arm in the field as needed. He brought his left hand up and rubbed away the frustration. She was annoying because she cared. She asked him all the questions he’d always wanted other people to ask. They hadn’t. Not when he would have talked about it willingly anyways. Now though… it was easier to bury it than talk about it and he hated the stinging pain every time she brought it up.

            She sat down on his right side without saying anything and reached out to take his mechanical hand in hers. She set it in her lap and laid out one of the fabric pieces. He watched her face as she unfolded the toolkit and went to work removing the plating. Dunking each part she freed in the water and wiping off the clay residue. Then she’d dry it gently and lay it down. The longer he watched her work, the more awful he felt for thinking all those horrible things about her. Who else in his life would sit here with him in silence and take care of something that was frustrating him so badly? He couldn’t even imagine Padmé doing this for him. His mechanical arm was one of the things he hated the most about himself. Some people thought it made him cool, but he just felt incomplete… Like he’d never feel whole again. Besides the need to grip his lightsaber, it was the reason he wore such thick gloves. He hated the reminder and all the shame that went with it.

            Everyone knew he’d lost it fighting Dooku on Geonosis, so nobody asked him what it was like. He knew Ahsoka wanted to, but it was one of the rare topics she chose not to bring up. Maybe she sensed how much he hated it. So, to see her sitting here now, helping him fix it without saying a word… maybe he didn’t truly appreciate her enough.

            Once she removed all the plating that covered the skeletal innerworkings of the arm, she pulled a long thin tool from the kit that had a hooked end. She scooped the clay pieces out, repeatedly dunking the tool to clean it off. Her face was one of determination and focus. He felt like he should apologize to her, even though she had no idea what he’d been thinking about before she’d appeared. He felt more and more guilt the longer she worked, knowing just how lucky he was to have her in his life. Not just because she was fixing the mess he’d gotten himself into, but because she did little things like this for him all the time. He made a mental note to thank her more often and to lighten up about this trial and everything it involved.

            She hadn’t just grown up physically in the last few days, she’d matured a lot as well. He wondered what had changed for her. She’d said that she’d denied her Togruta heritage for years, but she’d fallen so easily back into it now that they were here. He could still see the ways in which she was still a child; her innocence and wonder. But he could also see a blooming confidence in her he’d never seen before. It went beyond her usual brand of fearlessness which was often just her way to give anything a shot even if she was scared.

            “Ahsoka,” he whispered after she’d been working on his hand for quite awhile. She stilled and looked up at him. “I, er…” He swallowed and lost his nerve. “Thank you.”

            “You’re welcome, master,” she said simply and went back to work.

            “Are you having a good time?” He felt stupid, like he didn’t know how to talk to her anymore.

            “Yes,” she murmured as she flipped his hand over and inspected it closely. Then she dropped it in her lap and held it for a moment. “Are you?” She looked up at him earnestly.

            He rolled his lips. “Yes.”

            She studied his face for a moment. “I’m glad.” She started picking up the plating pieces she’d removed earlier, double checking that they were dry and securing them back into place. “You know, master,” she said when she finished putting his arm back together and cleaned off the tools and put them away. “You don’t have to pretend for my sake.”

            She closed the kit and picked up the pieces of cloth and got to her feet. “Ahsoka,” he called after her. “I’m not pretending to have fun.” She looked over her shoulder at him. “I just…” he looked away, so he didn’t have to see her stare into his soul. “I just don’t want things to change between us.” His voice got small.

            “I told you, it didn’t mean anything.” She left, and he didn’t try to stop her. He brushed the hair out of his eyes, looking his hand over and flexing it. She’d done a really good job, better than he could have done himself. Everything moved like it was supposed to again. _Yeah right,_ it _did_ mean something. It meant something she wasn’t saying. And it was more than a dance. The most striking observation he’d made of the Togruta people since landing on Shili, is that everything to them was somatic. They worked with their hands, they created with their hands, they fought with their bodies, and they most certainly communicated with their bodies. And he wasn’t referring to the head tails or horns. Ahsoka had said her mother had told her to dance what was in her heart. She’d done exactly that. With her body she’d communicated everything to him that she wasn’t saying with her mouth. And that was what scared him. He’d had no idea she felt that way. Or worse… that he did.


	13. Chapter 13

            She sat up when she heard footsteps, throwing her arm out to stop him from leaping to his feet and charging out of the hut with his lightsaber the moment the drums were hit. It had just been a quick succession of three beats at first, then a pause, then three more beats, a shorter pause and then a rapid repeating pattern. He looked at her in confusion as the drums built up in strength as though challenging them to do something. 

            Then it stopped, and now she could hear the other sounds, like the rain coming down on the roof. The sounds of rocks rolling through some kind of tube. Splashing as people moved through the pooling water. And in the distance, thunder. Then the drums started again, slower and more rhythmically this time, like a background beat. 

            They both peered out when someone started chanting. Four men were dancing in the middle of the village in time to the drums. In the center stood an elderly woman, chanting in Togruti with a deep soothing voice. It intermingled with the raindrops to create a very ethereal almost unreal experience. The rest of the village had gathered on the far side of the activity as all of it seemed to be focused in their direction. They looked at each other and she shrugged, crawling out of the hut and moving towards the center of the village. He joined her a moment later looking decidedly disheveled as though the sudden wakeup call had startled his hair too. 

            It wasn't long until they were both soaked through, but no one else was moving out of the rain either. If anything, they looked perfectly content standing in it. Silence fell among the villagers and they all tipped their heads up towards the sky, blinking into the rain. She’d felt it too, in the air. A tremor that had rippled down through her skull, as though bouncing around in her lekku. Then the sky released such a dramatic burst of thunder that she jumped slightly in response, still tingling from the feeling that had passed through her first. 

            The woman opened her eyes and stared at the two of them so intensely they both shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. Her eyes a dark purple, several shades darker than her skin. Her montrals sat high and twisted above her head, and her lekku folded multiple times and draped down her shoulders well past her waist. The striped pattern almost chaotic in every direction in a deep reddish color. Wrinkles lined her face and hands, as though she were as ancient as the planet itself. Her simple markings were distorted from age, weathered like the rest of her.

            The elder waved the staff she was holding, shaking it around her in a circle lost in her own ritual and then she froze with the end of it pointed directly at Anakin. "You are the Chosen among the stars." She glanced up at him to see his lips tighten. Any mention of being the chosen one always closed him down. But how would anybody here know that? Especially someone who looked as though they'd never left the planet since the moment it was born. "Light and dark always at war," she said suddenly, her tone as penetrating and intense as the words she spoke. "Forgetting they are kin." She lifted a pitcher in the air, letting it fill with rain water. Then she tipped it and poured the water out in front of them in a steady stream. “Yau nahgi, ta meht Shili.” Anakin crossed his arms and gave her a look like can you believe this? She elbowed him, and he put them down. 

            The elder grabbed his hand and pulled him forward into the puddle she'd just made and circled him slowly. He glanced at her helplessly as though begging her to get him out of this mess. She didn't really know what to do for him, but she imagined it would all be over soon. 

            "The mountains mock the sea, forgetting that it made them," the woman said again. "Daark'a or ashla? Mig ohna teh'ru te." She reached forward and grabbed her this time, pulling her up next to Anakin where she waved a bundle of herbs around their heads. The smell wasn't all that unpleasant, but she had no idea what any of it meant. She recognized a word or two, but otherwise… was just as lost as he was. "Kin," she repeated firmly, staring deep into both of their eyes. “Daark’a, ashla, _grriva!_ ” The elder turned her back to them and hobbled away leaving her and Anakin standing in the puddle with the entire village staring at them wondering what the kriff had just happened. 

            Her father stepped forward. "Homah Zy has spoken," he said, and the drums repeated their earlier three beat melody a couple times. "My de'he'ren, and her ke'leh, are to go to the vision cave. There you will bathe in the nahgi and stand before the trrre d' yau. The tree of life will grant you a vision of your future." She glanced at Anakin and he hiked a brow at her. "Be warned," her father continued. "The vision cave is not for the faint of heart." He set a hand on each of their shoulders. "Do not forget the words she has spoken to you; what you do with them will shape your future. Homah Zy will meet you there." Forget them? Before she could even think of forgetting them, she needed to understand them.

            The dancers reappeared and continued their dance around them a few times while they just stood there in confusion. Then everyone dispersed as though this was a perfectly normal occurrence. She suspected that the dance in the rain was very much something they did all the time. The rest of it, was probably because they were here. “Did you understand any of that?” he whispered to her.

            “Um… she chewed on her lip for a moment. “I recognized a few words. ‘Ashla’ means ‘light,’ so ‘daark’a’ must mean ‘dark.’ Based on what my father said, I’m pretty sure that ‘nahgi’ means ‘water.’” She crossed her arms as she fell deep in thought. “So, I guess we’re supposed to go to the vision cave, bathe in the water before the tree of life and see our future. That may or may not have something to do with the light side or the dark side.”

            “The vision cave, I get. It was the rest of it that I didn’t understand,” he muttered. “Like how she knew about the chosen one prophecy, unless you’d told them.”

            “I didn’t tell them. Many cultures have strong ties to the force even if they don’t use it the way we do. But don’t you think that’s further proof?”

            “That I’m some chosen one? The prophecy is a myth.” He turned and disappeared back inside their hut. She stared down at the ground watching the rain bounce around in perfect rhythm. Why did he hate that title so much? Was it really that bad to have people look up to you? She knew he felt like he was under a lot of pressure, but most of that was self-induced. She couldn’t stop thinking about the first profound thing the elder had said, _light and dark are always at war, forgetting they are kin._ Kin… she must have meant balance. That you can’t have one without the other. But the Jedi teach that you have to choose between them. You either choose the light side or you choose the dark side. How do you choose both? And even if that were possible, what did that look like?

            Her father came up behind her and startled her out of her thoughts. “You ready de’he’ren?”

            “I don’t know,” she murmured.

            He put something in her hands and held them softly. “Together you will enter, how you exit is decided by you both.”

            He disappeared before she could ask him anything else. She looked down at what he’d put in her hands. It was a map of sorts, to the cave. Why was she suddenly so sure that this was about more than the ha’a’neh eh det turu? Her father had said that the words the elder had spoken would shape their entire future depending what they did with them. But she wasn’t a big fan of force visions, they were hard to interpret. What would this ritual tell her? And did she really want to know?


	14. Chapter 14

            It had taken them half the day to traverse the landscape that led them to the vision cave. The map hadn’t been easy to follow for them as outsiders to Shili, but probably made perfect sense to anyone that was born and raised here. More than once they’d been forced to stop. They'd argue over what that symbol meant or if this one was depicting a natural feature. Anakin had been silent for most of the journey, still seemingly annoyed about the chosen one thing earlier. Not long into their pilgrimage, the rain had let up and was back to warm sun with a few scattered clouds. She heard plenty of animals along their way but never caught sight of more than nuna bouncing around in bare patches of grass or wingmaw squawking from above them as they flew overhead. Any of the larger animals could probably hear them coming since they weren’t going to much effort to disguise their presence. They did pass a herd of grazing uxi beasts, and at one point she’d seen a quick blur of what might have been wild ikopis. 

            After so many battles, it was hard to relax. Even though there was no war here or any sign that there had been or there could be, it still felt like battle droids could appear at any moment. Walking casually out in the open, having left their armor and their lightsabers back at the village… it was making her anxious. Maybe she was more worried about this vision cave than she wanted to let on. She kept repeating to herself the things the elder, Homah Zy had said. 

            It was just the two of them wandering the grasslands and up into the mountains.  Which was strange to her that they could walk in any direction for several hours and find no other people either. It made her wonder more and more how master Plo had found her. Anakin didn't like to talk about destiny, probably for the same reason he hated anything to do with the prophecy, but more than once she'd found herself wondering if there was something to it after all. She wasn't even close to a protocol droid, but she imagined if Senator Amidala's droid were here, he'd tell her the odds of her being where she was right now, were some outrageous uncountable number to one. So why then, had she been found? Why had everything seemed to line up to put her under someone like him? How did everyone in her village seem to understand that she didn't belong here? And what was the force about to reveal about her future? _Their_ future?

            She snuck a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. Somehow, she knew that if destiny existed, Anakin was part of hers. The closer they got to this cave, the more certain she became of that. He was part of her destiny, or he _was_ her destiny. The force had aligned, overcoming completely improbable odds, to put them on a collision course with each other. So, what was she supposed to do for him?

            “Master,” she said suddenly as a thought occurred to her.

            “Yeah, Snips?” he replied, looking around, like he too was expecting something to jump out at them. She could feel how tense he was especially once they’d started making their way up into the mountains and didn’t have as good of visibility. 

            “What if this vision cave is some kind of old Jedi temple? Master Yoda said there are ones scattered throughout the galaxy, even ones that have been forgotten. What if it’s a trial, like the gathering?” She looked around as she felt a tickle of something. It was almost as though the air had shifted.

            “It could be,” he murmured. He stopped as though he sensed it too. “Do you feel that?”

            “Yeah.” She rubbed her arms, trying to relax. It didn’t feel dangerous necessarily, but it was very strong in the force, whatever it was.

            “I’ve not felt the force that strongly since we arrived on Shili.” He patted her on the shoulder. “Maybe you’re right. It could be a hidden temple.”

            “Does it feel dangerous to you?”

            “No, why?” he asked, focusing on her for the first time since they’d left the village.

            “I just keep thinking about what the elder said, about light and dark and then the third word, ‘grriva.’ I think it means ‘balance.’ The masters always talk about balance in the force, but then they tell us we have to choose the light side or the dark side. What if balance means we use both? She said they were ‘kin,’  _family_ ; like they’re part of the same thing. Maybe we can’t have one without the other?”

            He looked like he was going to contradict her, but then he closed his mouth. “I don’t know, Snips,” he said finally. She had a feeling there was something more to it that he didn’t want to say. Something she already knew. Anakin was an exemplary Jedi, even if he was unconventional at times. But from the very first moment she’d met him, she’d felt something else in him, something he didn’t like people knowing. A darkness lingered there, it caused him shame, but it had taken root somehow. The elder said that they were always at war, dark and light. Maybe Anakin was the Chosen One because he wasn’t only one or the other? What little she knew of the prophecy claimed that the chosen one was to bring balance to the force.  _Grriva._  But if he only ever felt shame or fear over the darkness, how could he do that?

            He was a good person, that darkness in him didn’t make him bad. Not in her mind anyways. The more time she spent with him, the more she believed there had to be more to it. If he’d just let her in, maybe they could figure it out together. She’d made a promise to herself, from the very first moment she’d found out she was to be his padawan; she would stand by him, protect him, even if she had to protect him from himself. Maybe that was why the force had put her in his path; she was supposed to help him find balance. Or stop him from losing it.

 

\---

 

            They stood at the entrance of the cave. He stared over her shoulder at the map, but he didn't need it to know they'd found the right place. The force swirled here in such raw intensity he'd nearly been forced to step backwards when it hit him. Water trickled out the mouth of it on either side, a narrow-cobbled pathway weaved between the streams and disappeared into the darkness. 

            She glanced up at him and then folded the map carefully and tucked it into her shirt. "Ladies first," he said teasingly, not wanting to sound like a coward. He wasn't scared of the cave so much as what it was going to tell him. Master Jinn had been so certain he was some Chosen One, but he'd died before telling him what that meant. The other masters acted as though it was nothing, including his own master. The council didn't ever talk to him about it, almost as though by not speaking it aloud it would never come to pass. So, he'd started telling himself it was nothing. It meant nothing. And it wasn't about him. 

            But buried deep inside him, he couldn't shake it. He couldn't forget how sure Qui-Gon had been. How willingly he'd wagered everything, including his life, to ensure that he'd be trained as a Jedi; to ensure he'd complete the prophecy. How could he when he didn't even know what it was? It was one thing to have pressure put on him for regular responsibilities, at least they were tangible. But to feel the pressure of something the whole galaxy is collectively expecting him to do, but not a single one of them will tell him what it is he's supposed to do? How could he ever be sure he was doing anything right?

            He looked down and saw that she was still standing there studying him. "Well, Snips? It's your cave, go." He pushed her forward an inch, trying to make it look like he wasn't the least bit worried about this. She probably saw right through him, but to his relief, she didn't argue. She started walking forward and he took a deep breath and followed her. 

            As soon as they crossed the threshold into the darkness he was suddenly really glad she was there too, and he reached out and took her shoulders to stay close to her. It made sense anyways, she had better vision in the dark. 

            They walked for awhile in silence until the tunnel opened up. She stopped suddenly, and he ran into her back. He looked up from staring at her horns which he’d been doing to distract himself. The two streams had come together into a large lake. The rock walls domed over the water, with a round opening in the ceiling that flooded the island in the center with light. Across the water was the oldest, most intricately unique tree he'd ever seen. The bark was a reddish gold, its leaves blossoming in all directions covering the color spectrum. They glittered in the sunlight and didn't even look real. Grass and flowers grew around its base, with a shoreline much like along all the rivers and streams they'd passed. 

            "How did she beat us here?" he asked in surprise when he noticed the old woman standing at the base of the tree. 

            "My people are fast," Ahsoka answered simply. "And  _she_  knew where she was going."

            "Yeah, but look at her, she's older than time. You have to admit it's a little creepy." He felt the elbow in his gut. "Oof!"

            "She can hear you, you know?" Ahsoka pointed to her horns. "These aren't just for show."

            The woman turned around and stared at them with her piercing purple eyes. "Bathe in the waters and be cleansed," she said.

            "Not naked, right?" he asked. 

            "Just get in," Ahsoka said in annoyance and pushed him into the water with surprising force. He sputtered when he surfaced, spitting water out of his mouth in a stream at her. She rolled her eyes, dodged his attack and dove perfectly into the water next to him, splashing him again. He wiped his eyes, pushing his wet hair back out of his face.

            "So how long are we supposed to bathe in the waters?" he whispered. 

            She sighed at him and started swimming towards the island. He shrugged. It was a perfectly legitimate question as far as he was concerned. She got out of the water on the shore of the island. Her wet clothes clung to her body and he had to splash himself in order to look away.

            When he finally made it there and climbed out, he felt a bit awkward when the elder looked them over critically. "You're late."

            "We got lost a few times," Ahsoka said nervously, chewing on her lip. 

            "You should be thankful the tree of life is patient," the woman said and turned her back to them. 

            "I've never met an impatient tree," he muttered to himself. Ahsoka made a face and he grinned anyways. 

            "Det tungu'ko and det tunguma d' det och'sa," the elder said in her deep reverent tone. "Comrro be'ret yeh kah sa ma'a'reh."

            Could he just ask her to speak basic? He was getting kind of tired of not understanding anything that was being said. Maybe it wouldn't be so annoying if Ahsoka knew and could translate, but since neither of them knew it was getting old. It felt like just deep guttural sounds and growls, exaggerated vowels that he doubted he could speak even if he tried to. Not that he'd know what he was saying if he did. He should have thought to bring Threepio with them.

            The elder turned back around and stared at them both intensely. "Each of you, pick a leaf off the tree and set it on the altar." She pointed her wrinkled, leathery fingers at a stone table he'd not noticed before. He exchanged a glance with Ahsoka and shrugged.

            Once they'd each selected their leaves, they moved over to the altar and set them down. Two horn-like shapes curved up from the smooth top of the table, resembling their montrals. On the top of each one was a bundle of herbs or incense that was giving off a sweet, soothing smell. 

            "Set your hands on your leaf," she instructed and came over to the altar to inspect it. "Other hand." She tapped his mechanical one with the end of her staff. He rolled his eyes and switched so his left hand was resting on it. Then she pushed their hands together, so they were touching along the pinky side. 

            Satisfied they were in position, she raised her hands above her head and started chanting. The words were long and rhythmic and surprisingly relaxing, though he hesitated to relax too much still nervous about this whole vision inducing ritual. 

            "Wow," Ahsoka breathed next to him and he looked down at their hands. Light burst forth from the stems, moving up along the ridge in the center, outlining the leaf and then branched out in all directions in intricate patterns. He felt a warmth spread up his arm, not from the leaf, but rather from where her skin was pressed against his own. 

            There was this sense of calm as the light hit his heart and seemed to pump throughout his veins. He felt at peace, dare he say happy? There was laughter, a golden color that he was coming to adore. His mind drifted in a fuzzy kind of ecstasy for awhile. There was nothing distinct that he could make out, but he was sure all of it was familiar. Then he saw Ahsoka's face, swimming into his brain. She was older, attractive, smiling. Then he saw himself, next to her. He looked calm, watching her in admiration.  _Together._

            But what about Padmé? He jerked his hand and flames seared across his senses. There were colors; red... purple... black... there was lightning, pain, fear, anger... all around him, _death_. Suddenly he was falling backwards as he lost control. The table was gone, the cave was spinning. Everything spiraled, and his body stopped moving. He never hit the ground. 

            His heart was racing, his mouth worked a few times before he managed to inhale. He blinked trying to get his bearings, panting and clutching at his heart as his own body seemed to fail him. 

            "Master!" Ahsoka's voice was barely audible at first over his pounding eardrums. "Anakin?" He turned his head and saw her kneeling next to him awkwardly as though she'd caught him when he fell. He wanted to reach out to her. To tell her he was sorry, but he didn't know why. 

            He felt feverish, his head still burning from whatever he'd just witnessed. He watched her untie the cloth around her waist and use the force to dunk it in the water. Then she summoned it to her hand, wrung it out and put it up against his head. The cool fabric felt good and his strength started returning. 

            Ahsoka's face sharpened in front of him, her eyes full of concern. Then she turned, and he followed her gaze. On the altar sat one leaf, golden like in the first part of the vision, glowing white. But part of it was singed and blackened by the pile of ash next to it that had been the other leaf.  _His leaf._  

            "The tree of life has bestowed her blessing of knowledge. The future is what you make of it," the elder said from somewhere, maybe even everywhere. His eyes rolled back, and everything went black.


	15. Chapter 15

            “Master.” She shook him softly on the shoulder, feeling guilty she had to wake him up. After what had happened at the vision cave the night before, he really needed the rest. Once he’d been conscious enough to head back to the village, it had taken twice as long to return as it had to get there. The journey had passed in silence, neither one of them really wanting to talk about what had happened. Understandably so, it was a lot to think about. She’d been right about one thing though, this was bigger than the ha’a’neh eh det turu. They’d arrived well after nightfall and he’d passed out quickly from exhaustion. She’d stared at the ceiling for a long time and then finally found sleep.

            “What is it, Snips?” he groaned as though in pain. He probably was in pain, not the physical kind though.

            “I’m sorry to wake you, but I have to go with my father for most of the day. To prepare for the hunt,” she said quickly. “Will you be okay here, alone?”

            He rolled over and blinked up at her. “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

            _Because of last night,_ she almost said, but swallowed the snippy comment. Whatever it meant didn’t need to be a point of contention between them. “Well, then… see you later.” She rolled her lips and turned to go. Someday she was going to have to put her foot down and make him talk, but today was not the day.

            “Ahsoka,” he sighed as she was almost out of the hut. She turned back. “Be careful.”

            Figuring that was all she was going to get out of him, she nodded and slipped through the canvas flaps and breathed in the morning. She could get lost in trying to interpret the vision and what happened afterwards. She doubted she’d ever be able to forget the way his leaf had burst into flame. Or how her own had tried to reach for it, if that were possible. But probably the thing that would never fade from her memory was how his had singed hers and how she’d completely failed to save his from destroying itself.

            She couldn’t dwell on it now though, she had to focus. The solo hunt was tomorrow and if she didn’t keep her mind focused on everything her father taught her today, she might not survive long enough to change the vision. The elder had said before disappearing completely that the tree’s blessing was knowledge; a glimpse of the future. What they did about it would determine whether or not it came to pass. And she was determined not to let the second part happen.

            She resisted the urge to crawl back inside and give him a hug or a kiss or something and started walking away. Of course he was fine, he was always fine. That was what he tried to convince everyone anyways. If only he knew that she knew he wasn’t fine. Would he ever let her in? The memory of the burning leaf ran through her mind again and she shook it away trying to take a deep breath. _Focus._

            She looked up and made eye contact with her father who had his arm around her mother as she kissed him sweetly on the cheek. Maybe she _should_ give him a kiss… She started walking towards them, trying to ease the tension out of her shoulders and think about something other than him.

            “You alright, de’he’ren?” her mother asked with concern.

            “I’m fine, thank you,” she said quickly.

            “Are you sure?” Her mom took her by the shoulders and looked her over. “A mother always knows when her child isn’t fine.”

            “I have a lot to think about,” she said, staring at the ground.

            “Oh yes, the vision cave. How did that go?”

            “Yadigan, dear, can’t you see she doesn’t want to talk about it right now? And we need to get going. The sun is moving faster than we are,” her father interjected.

            “Oh, of course,” her mom said and patted her softly on the cheek. “Good luck out there.”

            “Thank you,” she said. Her father threw a bag over his shoulder and handed one to her. She looked back and saw her mom waving to her and before she could change her mind, she ran back to her and gave her a hug. “Would you keep an eye on him? He wasn’t feeling very well last night.”

            “Of course, dear,” her mother said knowingly. “The vision cave can have that affect on people. But remember, nothing either of you saw is set in stone. The gift is time. If you don’t like what you saw, you have the power to change it.”

            “He’s just so stubborn sometimes.”

            “All men are,” her mom grinned at her. “Go on, your father is waiting. Your ke’leh will be fine.” She really hoped her mom was right, she hadn’t seen the leaf.

            They headed south across the grasslands, pausing only for Saron to point out various landmarks to help her track her prey. For as vicious of a reputation these akul had, she’d expected them to be a lot easier to find. But maybe after so much hunting there weren’t very many out there anymore.

            From what she understood, akul were loners. Only meeting up with others to mate and breed. They didn’t live or hunt in packs, so finding one could be tricky. Her father was insistent that he couldn’t give too much away about how she had to perform the hunt. The point of their journey today was to give her a lay of the land. Hints, tips, tricks… but ultimately it was up to her how she succeeded at the trial.

            She remembered a few things from the group hunt when she was thirteen. They liked hills and forests, but because the turu-grass was so tall, they could also be found stalking out in the open. Though you usually wouldn’t know they’re there until it’s too late. Her father would repeatedly get distracted, however, and point out types of flowers and tell her about them.

            She was enjoying her time with him and learning about the local fauna. Everything on Shili was so dramatic and diverse compared to what she was used to on Coruscant. But she was having trouble opening up and talking easily with him. There were a million things she wished she could ask him or tell him, but she was afraid she’d get too attached to him. Which was starting to bother her, if she were honest with herself. These were her parents, her family. Why couldn’t she be attached to them? It didn’t mean she’d drop everything and run home if things got tough out there. It just meant they mattered to her, was that so wrong? Other people mattered to her too. _Like Anakin…_

            As the morning wore on, it was getting harder and harder to stop thinking about him. She knew he wasn’t her responsibility, he was more than capable of taking care of himself. But she knew what happened at the vision cave had shaken him up far worse than he wanted to admit.

            “You seem preoccupied, de’he’ren,” her father said, when they sat down in some shade near the top of a hill for some lunch.

            “I’m sorry,” she murmured, looking up to find him studying her.

            “Is your mind already on your akul or something else?”

            “Do you believe in destiny?” she asked him. “That there’s something out there that we’re born to do?”

            He patted her softly on the hand. “Yes.” He was silent for a few minutes as though he’d fallen deep in thought. “I don’t know much about your ‘force.’ But I do believe there’s something out there that connects us, not just to those around us but to everything else in the galaxy. And I think that sometimes it calls to us, leading us somewhere or to someone. That it knows better than we do what we need. As hard as it was to watch you leave with the Jedi, I knew in my soul that you’d been called to wander. That something out there, _someone,_ was calling you away from Shili. Perhaps the stars needed you more than we did. I wanted to be selfish, your mother cried over the idea of letting you go. So Homah Zy led us to the vision cave. There we faced the truth. Sometimes what we want and what we need are not compatible. Sometimes what we should do and what we have to do are not the same. It is in those moments that we must accept we do not always have control and that the universe will lead us where we need to go.”

            “Sometimes I’m scared that I won’t know what to do when the time comes,” she whispered.

            “You will,” he said encouragingly. “Your mother and I have seen your future. You’ve been asked to wander a difficult path, but you were born to face it. Let every experience be a lesson and you’ll have everything you need to survive.” He took her hand and squeezed it softly. “Your _‘force,’_ will always be with you.”


	16. Chapter 16

            It was a long time before he was able to convince himself to get out of bed. He'd fallen back asleep after Ahsoka left. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He didn't really want to think about the night before. He hated force visions, they reminded him too much of what had happened to his mother. All he knew for sure was that the first part of the vision was strongly tied to Ahsoka. Maybe both parts were, but he didn't understand why it had switched. It felt like it meant even if he were to choose her it wouldn't end well. But it didn't really matter if he wanted to choose her or not, he'd already chosen someone else. And no matter what Ahsoka meant to him, he didn't want to lose Padmé. 

            She was his everything. From the moment he'd met her, she was the only thing he'd desired. Then Ahsoka had come along... and now all he could do was question everything. How was he supposed to love them both? It wasn't fair. So, no matter what Ahsoka could offer him, she wasn't the one he truly wanted. She was a good time. A friend, just a friend. 

            He stared at the place she'd been sleeping next to him the past few nights. The way they'd rolled up several blankets and a few pillows to keep them apart during the night. When laying there, it felt enough like she was on the other side of the wall, in the next room. But, he kind of liked knowing she was closer than that. He kind of liked hearing her breathe at night, or the soft trilling noise she made while she slept. He liked her presence, it was... _soothing..._  

            It felt a little like he had a protector at night, which seemed odd that he would need that or care to have that. It certainly didn't make him feel very heroic, like the Jedi knight and general he was supposed to be. But he was grateful for the reprieve in nightmares. He'd thought for sure he'd have them after the visions, but they didn't come knocking. But how could she possibly have the power to hold them at bay? She was strong in the force, but to block nightmares? Unheard of.

            He didn't really know what any of it meant anymore. He was so confused. He loved Padmé. But he also had feelings for Ahsoka. He wanted Padmé, but he also wanted Ahsoka. Padmé made him happy, but so did Ahsoka in different ways. He brought his hands up and shook his head. This can't be happening! Why did they both have to be so beautiful and amazing? In every way it should be crystal clear; Padmé was his wife, Ahsoka was his student. 

            Who the kriff was he kidding? He wanted them both. He wanted it all.

            He ran his fingers through his hair and straightened his shirt. He didn’t like knowing that he felt so comfortable here, surrounded by things that were like Ahsoka. He didn’t like it because he’d never felt that same way in his wife’s world. He’d made himself at home in her apartment on Coruscant, whenever he was there. But back in the deeper reaches of his head he’d always felt out of place. He’d ignored the feeling because he felt out of place everywhere. _Except here…_

            He really needed to get a grip. This wasn’t his home. It couldn’t be. And imagining a future with his padawan was just, _wrong._

            He shrugged away his thoughts and crawled outside of the hut. The sun sat directly above, and people bustled about with their activities for the day. How had he slept so long? He never slept like that. Probably because he usually had nightmares. Which he didn’t have here. He looked around. The village wasn’t large by means of a city or town, but it wasn’t small either. There were at least two dozen huts built out in a pattern centered around an open area where they held all their group activities. The sun felt good on his skin, a breeze rippled through the village. He closed his eyes and relaxed into the sounds of people talking or singing to themselves. He could hear hands moving as they created more art or whatever they needed to survive. There were sweet and salty smells drifting past his senses. The rustle of the turu-grass was peaceful. He was starting to really understand why Ahsoka said she’d missed this.

            He’d never felt like that on Tatooine, but he could see how a place like this would embed itself in your soul and how it could make you nostalgic and believe in better things. Sometimes it felt like he could completely forget the war, the Jedi and even the rest of the galaxy. Shili had a way of making you feel out of touch with anything else out there. Once you got used to all the color and bright patterns, you could relax into the comfortable, seemingly easy lifestyle that existed here. He was also starting to understand why it was so rare for Togruta to wander the stars. Why would they when they had everything they could possibly need here? They’re tied to the land as though rooted through their ancestry. Coruscant would seem so unnatural to people that lived off the land and lived in harmony with nature.

            He drifted slowly around the huts, exploring the village and admiring all the sights. Many of the villagers seemed to have a table or booth near their hut where they worked on their own craft. He admired all the goods as he went by, stopping at one of the tables that was spread out with jewelry. The two men that were sitting there, one of which he’d fought in the ring the first day, looked up and chatted enthusiastically with him. Their basic was broken but understandable, joking about the wrestling match and teasing that if they went another round they would take him down. But it was just good-natured prodding and it didn’t bother him so much this time.

            “Go ahead, pick one you like, for Ahsoka,” the man on the left said. “Or we’ll show you how to make something.” He chewed on his lip for a moment. Ahsoka hadn’t been who he was thinking of when he’d first stopped to admire the jewelry. But since it was her birthday in two days, he supposed he should give her something. Especially since he’d failed to produce the drawing for her she’d so desperately wanted. He looked over what they had available. The pieces were attractive and expertly crafted. Most a bit too fancy for him to be giving his student. Rings sent the completely wrong message, bracelets would just get in the way of her gloves and fighting. His eyes came to rest on a small, simple necklace. It was nothing more than a piece of gold, shaped like a diamond and clipped to a golden chain. He wasn’t sure why, but he was drawn to it. He picked it up and turned it over in his hands. This felt like something Ahsoka would like, and the diamond shape matched the diamond of orange skin that was outlined by the white line that mirrored her face.

            “Good choice!” the man on the right said. “She will love it.”

            “Yes, I think so too,” he murmured thoughtfully. “Do you take credits?”

            Both men laughed. “Credits? No. We have no need for money here. Take it. Free. _A gift_.”

            “Thank you,” he said, bowing to them.

            “Hey,” the man on the left said again, the one he’d fought in the ring. “You take good care of her. She is special.”

            “Yes, she is.”

            He moved along after thanking them again and tucked the necklace into a small pocket in his tunic. Everyone he passed nodded to him or greeted him happily. It amazed him how hospitable they were to outsiders and how easily they’d accepted them both back into the fold. Ahsoka, he understood, she was the daughter of the village chief and his wife, but to be so friendly to him too? He wasn’t used to that kind of treatment. There was more than just the sun that was warm here. He thought about the vision the night before. _Golden._ Both a color and a feeling. And Ahsoka made him feel that; the warm fuzzy happiness and light.

            He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, he saw her mother sitting outside a hut on a small stool, bent over working on something. From where he stood, she appeared to be sewing. He was surprisingly curious about her. She seemed so out of place here, the only other human around for miles as far as he could tell. She was shorter, like Ahsoka, a petite build. She had long soft, light brown hair that draped attractively around her shoulders. Ahsoka had her nose, her forehead and her cheekbones. And as he watched her work with long slender fingers, she also had her hands.

            He was heading towards her before he could think it through. He didn’t want to get attached to Ahsoka’s mother just because he was missing his own, but he didn’t know how long Ahsoka would be gone today and what harm would come from one conversation?

            “Feeling better, son?” Yadigan looked up at him before he’d made it all the way there. He couldn’t be sure, but he almost wondered if she was sensitive to the force too.

            “Yes, thank you,” he replied. She pointed her needle at another stool and he sat down next to her. He was looking over the fabric she had draped across her lap. It looked familiar, like the two-piece outfit Ahsoka always wore. He reached out and touched the fabric with his left hand, it was definitely thick and the same material Jedi clothes are made out of. The specially designed fabric helped protect them from blaster bolts and other various injuries.

            “Can you keep a secret?” her mother laughed after watching the confusion spread across his face.

            “Uh, sure,” he replied.

            “I thought I’d make her something a little more fitting of her age. I hope she’ll like them.” She held up what she had made so far, it looked like a relatively simple but attractively cut dress. “She should still be able to move in it.” She’d somehow transformed the outfit she’d been wearing into a totally different one. He saw draped over a rack on the other side of her she seemed to have dyed her leggings a dark gray color and started embroidering a diamond pattern down the sides.

            “They’re lovely,” he murmured. “I’m sure she’ll like it.” Her mom smiled softly and went back to work.

            “This fabric is a bit tricky to work with though, but I can feel the strength of it. It has to withstand a lot of action, I’m sure. Based on the way the two of you were sparring the other day.” She sighed and set what she was working on down. “Tell me, son. I don’t want to know what dangers she has to face out there or I’ll start worrying too much. But you keep her safe, right? You watch out for her?”

            “Of course,” he said quickly. Yadigan pursed her lips a moment, like she wanted to say something else, but instead she nodded, blinking away the hint of tears he saw in her eyes.

            “Good.” She was quiet for a few minutes and he wasn’t sure what to say. Eventually she seemed to shake whatever mood had fallen over her and put a smile back on her face. “She thinks very highly of you, you know? You two seem to have a very special bond. I guess I know why she was called away from Shili to wander the stars. Saron kept telling me she was meant for bigger things. That something out there needed her, maybe even _someone_.” She reached up and touched his cheek softly. “You don’t have to be ashamed to admit you need her. It doesn’t make you weak.” She smiled at him and went back to working on the garment in her lap.

            He swallowed the sudden emotion at her words. He did need Ahsoka, whether he wanted to admit that or not. Had it not been for her, he probably would have died in this war already. Her bravery and quick thinking had saved him more times than he wanted to count. But he needed her in a different way too. One he was afraid to acknowledge. Her presence in his life had dramatically improved it, and for some reason, he felt so much shame over that.

            “How did you end up here?” he asked her, hoping to change the subject. He didn’t want to talk about himself anymore. Or the forbidden feelings that were growing inside him.

            “I do seem out of place, don’t I?” she chuckled. “Growing up, I loved to look up at the stars and imagine what it was like out there. First opportunity I could, I hopped a shuttle bound for somewhere else. Shili was the first place I landed. I stumbled around the marketplace in Corvala like a bumbling tourist and then I bumped into Saron. He didn’t speak more than a few words of basic, but he had a way about him. Young and naïve, I went with him when he invited me back to his village and then… I never left. I fell in love with him, with the people, with the planet. I guess I decided that all I’d really wanted was to belong somewhere. I found that here. Everyone was so kind, so hospitable. They folded me right in as though I was one of them. They taught me crafts and their culture, I taught them basic and told stories about my home planet. Sometimes I think it was fate that we met, even more so since meeting you.”

            “Do you ever miss your home or your family?” he asked.

            “This _is_ my home and my family. Both of those things are more than blood. When you find them, you know. Everything just feels… _golden,_ ” she murmured. He watched her face as she smiled at the feeling. The feeling he’d had the night before, in the vision cave, about Ahsoka. Maybe he was wrong about everything.


	17. Chapter 17

            A call went out first thing in the morning and it was Ahsoka that bounded out of bed first, looking wild-eyed. He sat up and set his hand on her arm and she looked at him.

            “You ready, Snips?” he asked.

            “Not really,” she admitted nervously. “What if I get out there and I don’t know what I’m doing? My father only showed me the landscape and talked a lot about flowers.” She shook a little.

            “Just remember your training,” he reassured her.

            “I can’t, master.” She chewed on her lip. 

            “A few days on Shili and you’ve already forgotten everything I’ve taught you?” he smirked.

            “No, that’s not what I meant.” She rubbed her face. “I can’t use the force. I have to think like a Togruta. What if I’m not enough Togruta? I was already worried about this trial and that was before I found out I was half-human!”

            “Ahsoka,” he breathed, taking her by the shoulders. “You’ll be fine. Listen, I know you want to do this right and that you never give anything less than your all and I’m proud of that. But no matter what they think or expect, you are a Jedi. And if it comes down to life or death… I don’t want a dead padawan.”

            She took a deep breath and nodded to him. The call went out again and they reluctantly crawled out of the hut.

            “My de’he’ren,” Saron said. Anakin put his hand on her back and rubbed it. “Today you take on your akul, alone. Today, you will show your family your strength. The great hunt is about perseverance and cunning. To what lengths are you willing to go to protect and provide? What happens out there is between you and meht Shili. Det Suun will carry you along the way.” Her father approached her and put his hands on her shoulder. “When you are victorious, you will let out a call and we will help you return with your kill. Are you ready?”

            She nodded nervously at her father and looked back at him. He smiled encouragingly and gave her a hug. “Trust your instincts,” he whispered.

            “The great bhat begins!” Saron shouted and tipped his head back and let out a long deep almost howl. He watched Ahsoka take a deep breath and then with one final glance she turned and started running out of the village, while the rest of her people cheered and called well-wishes to her.

            He stood there nervously, watching her montrals disappear in the distance. He believed in her, he really did. He knew better than anyone that she could do this, but… He made like he was going to follow her and Saron put his hand on his shoulder.

            "It's admirable you wish to accompany her on the bhat, but tradition dictates she must complete it solo. Do not fear for her, she is strong. She beat her first akul. Her destiny awaits," he said.

            He swallowed trying to relax. Of course her father was right, he need not be worried. Ahsoka had more than proven herself a hundred times on the battlefield, was hunting that much different? But whether he should worry or not, didn't really matter; because he did. 

            It took longer than he wanted, but he managed to slip away from the village and go after her, excusing himself to go meditate. If nothing else, he wanted to watch. He'd never seen a Togruta hunt before. Ahsoka was always so secretive whenever she went out to do so, never admitting what it was she was doing. And this hunt was supposed to be a grand one. He'd been doing his best to follow their customs even if he didn't understand them, but he was still a Jedi and he was still her master and protecting her was ingrained in him, not to mention the promise he’d made to her mother.

            He hadn’t thought she’d had that much of a head start but it had still taken him almost two hours to find her. Even then he’d had to use his senses to do so. He’d forgotten just how fast she really was. She blended in far too well with her surroundings he hadn't even seen her until she moved. He climbed a nearby tree, hoping to get a higher vantage point and stay out of her way. Hopefully he hadn’t already messed her up. If she sensed his presence, she didn't acknowledge it. Her eyes were narrow and dark, focused on something in the turu-grass he couldn't see.             

            She was crouched low to the ground, still as a statue. One knee was in the dirt along with one hand as though she were about to start a race. He noticed that she'd tipped her head to one side, so one of her lekku touched the ground. He'd never given a lot of thought to the purpose of her head tails and horns but seeing her like this reminded him she may be half human, but she was still very much a predator with dangerous animal instincts. He had no idea how long she crouched there, or how long he watched her in anticipation. Her father had said hunting was a lesson in perseverance. Maybe it was also a lesson in patience.

            He admired the free-flowing pants, that tightened around her ankles, colorful like their surroundings. Her crop top that wrapped over her shoulders and around her breasts. Her attire was simple, comfortable and breathable. It was definitely designed for easy movement. He'd always wondered why she preferred such tight clothes, but now that he saw her out here in the wild, he understood the need for her clothes to not get in the way. They had to be practical and allow movement, but strong enough to withstand wear and tear from a lot of fast running. 

            Something caught her eye to the right and he saw her bare her teeth. Since when did she have pointy ones? They flashed white in the late morning sun. He heard a growl coming from somewhere. Then he realized it came from her. He'd just barely caught the way her lip rolled at the sound. Her montral stripes darkened, and it was almost as though she faded right in front of him. Even staring at the spot he knew her to be, he could hardly see her. 

            Something large padded out of the grass. He'd never seen a beast quite like it. Its muscles rippled along its chest and shoulders. The body was long and relatively lean, then spread into muscular hind legs. It was clearly designed to run but with upper body strength. It had a thick neck, a long snout and black ridges above its eyes and nose. It stopped, tipping up its head and its mouth parted as it sniffed the air. Several rows of sharp triangular teeth glinted in the sunlight. He recognized them as the kind she wore along the edge of her horns. Its fur was a brighter orange than Ahsoka's skin, and it had black and white stripes that likely made it difficult to detect in a forest. It reminded him a bit of a Nexu, like the one that had tried to kill Padmé in the arena on Geonosis. This beast though, he could feel its power. It stirred the force around it as though daring someone to be stupid enough to attack it.

            This must be the dreaded akul he'd heard so much about. The deadliest creature on Shili. At the end of its muscular legs sat pads with the longest sharpest claws he'd ever seen. How the hell was Ahsoka supposed to take this thing down alone without a weapon? Yes she had the force, but she wasn't supposed to use it for this trial. It had to be at least five times her size. How had she killed one at thirteen too? Perhaps he was underestimating her species, and her…

            He glanced back to where she'd been and was surprised to realize she wasn't there anymore. How had she moved without making a sound? He heard another low growl to the left of the creature. It followed the sound too. Then there was one to the right. One behind it. In fact, somehow it seemed as though she had the creature surrounded. Which was impossible. How was she throwing her voice?

            The creature turned multiple times, it too appeared to be confused by the growls on all sides. It was indecisive about which one to chase. He scanned the surrounding area, but he couldn't see her at all. He knew she was there, he could feel her in the force, but she'd completely camouflaged herself. And then he nearly jumped out of his skin when he realized she was sitting next to him on the branch. How the kriff had she gotten there without him seeing her? Or hearing her, for that matter?

            She looked at him, her eyes dark. Danger screamed from the deepest reaches. Her lips were parted so her pointy teeth were visible. Her montral stripes were a deep navy blue. Her brownish bronze lips rolled in strange trills and guttural sounds that he couldn't even begin to describe. She crouched there, her hands between her legs, but steady as a rock. He swallowed carefully, trying not to make a sound to disturb her hunt. 

            When he finally peeled his eyes off her, he looked down at the akul that was pawing at the ground, shaking its head in frustration. Her sounds appeared to be confusing its ability to track its prey. Then without warning, she leapt from the branch, landing on the akul's back, digging into its shoulders with her sharp claws. Since when did she have claws? It bucked hard trying to shake her off, but she dug in further, using her knees to lock her position on its back. The akul fought hard and eventually she was thrown from it. She rolled to the side into the grass. 

            He tried not to gasp when he saw it clamp down on something, but when it came up, it was missing a few teeth. She rolled under it and kicked up at its belly and then rolled again out of the way of its crushing front paws. She flipped and then kicked off the tree, so she landed on its back again. She wrapped her legs around its stomach, dug her claws into its shoulders and then to his complete surprise, she leaned down and embedded her teeth deeply into its throat. It howled in pain, fighting to get her off of it. But every time it moved, her claws ripped deeper into the muscles of its shoulders. She held it tight by the neck, which must have ruptured an artery because blood was pouring from it.

            He watched mesmerized as her and the akul seemed to wrestle in slow motion. His heart leapt into his throat every time she ended up on the bottom, but she expertly evaded its crushing blows and swiping claws. Whenever it looked like it was about to clamp down on her face, she'd roll so it only got her back lekku. Which was apparently hard enough to break teeth, because it always lost some trying to do that. He could see a few bite marks on it, but otherwise, she got off unscathed. 

            He was both fascinated and unnerved that she could take down a beast like that with her bare hands and apparently, _teeth..._ He had no idea that hunting for Togruta was as much an art form as the trinkets and sculptures in the village. Despite the violence of what was happening below him, she was graceful and, he shook himself, strangely attractive like a warrior would be to watch in an arena. Though he was starting to see why outsiders weren't supposed to witness this. He had a feeling he might never look at her quite the same way again. 

            He watched the muscles in her arms and shoulders and back flex as she topped the beast one last time. It finally succumbed to its wounds and collapsed. And then like night and day, Ahsoka stood up, came around in front of it and bowed before the beast. Her sudden change made him choke up at the realization that she had to make peace with the kill, simply because she was a Jedi too. It had never even occurred to him how difficult that must be for a hunter species to live their life by a code completely opposite of their traditions and instinct. As she reached out and set her hand softly on its snout, he felt a rush of pride and respect for her. 

            The beast looked up at her with sharp and intelligent eyes. It let out a mournful howl and she made an indescribable sound in response. It looked almost as though it nodded and then set its head down on the ground and went still, blood from its wounds pooling into the dirt beneath it. He watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath. And then she looked up at him where he'd been watching this from the tree branch. He felt something stir in him, something new. He was in awe of what she’d just done, though he should probably be horrified. Ahsoka was one of the best representations of light he’s ever seen, but knowing that she could be deadly too… It was oddly exciting. What was wrong with him? She stared at him a moment and then tipped her head back the way they’d come. 

            Understanding that he couldn't be discovered there watching her, he slid down the tree and took off in a run back towards the village. He wasn’t sure how to feel about what he’d just witnessed. He felt pride, definitely. Both in her ability to wrestle with something so dangerous and come out unscathed, but also how that interwove with what it meant to be a Jedi. That even deep in her animal instincts, she could still think clearly and make decisions based on the code they lived by. He couldn’t imagine how mentally strong someone had to be to reject the natural call of their species and live by different rules. It felt like he hadn’t been giving her enough credit. Ahsoka truly was something special.


	18. Chapter 18

            It wasn't long after he snuck back into the village that he heard the hair-raising, powerful call. She must have timed how long it would take him to get back. He pretended to crawl out of the hut as though he'd been there the whole time and went to stand by her father who had just sent six men running in that direction. He watched them disappear into the tall, thick turu-grass. 

            "Ah, Anakin," Saron turned to greet him. "She's completed her hunt."

            "So that was what that call meant?" He feigned ignorance. "Is it only the women that hunt in your species?"

            "Do not let their size fool you, they are far more capable of hunting big game than we are. And much better equipped for it. Men can hunt small prey, but our lekku aren't long enough to protect our necks," her father replied. He thought about the way Ahsoka had rolled to present her back lekku whenever the akul tried to bite her. It did make sense, now that he looked around at the gathering crowd anticipating her return. As Saron had said, the men's head tails barely went past their shoulders and were much thinner and frailer looking than the women's lekku. The ones he saw on the nearby females varied in length but still seemed from an early age, stronger and thicker. Ahsoka was also fast and he imagined her people were too. That probably gave them an advantage as well. 

            At first it had seemed odd to him that they would expect someone as small and as young as Ahsoka to hunt, but as he looked around, all the women were small. And after the way Ahsoka had taken down that beast, he didn't think he'd be underestimating them again. If what he saw was someone that was only half Togruta, he didn't even want to imagine being hunted by one that was full Togruta. The men had been tough in the wrestling ring, but the women might rip him to shreds. Which had he not witnessed her hunt for himself, he might never have believed. Since everyone was so friendly and hardly seemed dangerous upon first inspection. 

            His jaw dropped a bit the moment Ahsoka emerged from the grasses. She'd washed the blood off herself, but was standing tall, walking proudly into the village. He'd expected people to cheer, since they had when they'd sent her off this morning. But they didn't. They simply bowed to her as she walked by. 

            Saron slapped his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it when the six men emerged behind her. They'd slipped three sturdy sticks through a heavy canvas tarp and were walking in pairs to carry the akul. But even with six of them, they were staggering under its weight.  "Look at the size of her prize," Her father said, his tone low but proud. "I've never seen one so big. She will truly be a great provider."

            He could only nod in response as he watched her walk confidently down the two rows of people that were waiting to greet her. Saron's words hardly surprised him. They'd told her she had to go out and kill an akul, so what had she done? She'd gone out and killed the biggest one she could find. She never did anything half-ass. He still had no idea what she was trying so hard to prove. 

            She stopped in front of them and looked only up at her father. "I have returned from my hunt," she said. 

            Saron bowed deeply to her in respect. So did the rest of the village. Feeling a little weird, he did too. "My de'he'ren has completed her trial. A day that will long be remembered and a story that will be passed down through the generations. Her kill will feed the village for weeks!" He put his hands on her shoulders. "Well done, my daughter. Your strength and determination will provide for all those whose paths you cross. Remember this lesson and what it has taught you and know that you light our way."

            "Thank you, father." She bowed too. 

            Her father put his arm around his shoulders. "Now son, it is our turn to get to work. She has provided the kill, we prepare it. Tonight, we will feast in her honor and tomorrow, the final celebration." He was led away before he could talk to her and he glanced over his shoulder. Everyone that passed her was taking her hands in theirs and kissing them, then moving on. Something had changed in her today, he didn't know how deep it went. But the way she carried herself was in stark contrast to her nervous behavior this morning. She nodded her thanks to everyone that performed this greeting. He felt so much pride for her. He couldn't wait to ask her about the hunt and all the things he'd seen. 

            They came to a stop in front of the dead akul as the men of the village that had finished greeting her gathered around. "The first thing we must do is remove the paws," her father said, and someone stepped forward. They snapped off one of its sharp claws and used it to cut a circle around the left paw deep enough to reveal the bone. With a sickening crack, he bent the paw backwards until it broke the joint and popped it off. Three other men stepped forward to remove the other ones in the same manner. He tried not to react as though this made him sick. He was no stranger to death, gore or violence, but admittedly, he'd never before watched an animal be prepared for consumption. 

            Thankfully no one insisted that he join in so for the first part of it he just watched. They skinned the area around the hind legs low enough to reveal the two bones still connected by a particularly strong tendon. Then they hung it by that part, upside down. They made light strokes, still using the hooked claws from the creature itself to expertly cut down the line of the back legs. Then they made one long cut ventrally along the center of its stomach from the tail all the way to the neck. 

            He curiously observed them slowly and carefully skin the akul with their bare hands, peeling the hide off from the musculature and tissue underneath. It was fascinating to watch them work and yet it was another thing he should probably be disgusted by. He moved over and picked up one of the discarded paws and held it up to his hand. The claws were longer than his longest finger. The paw itself was twice as big as his hand. The fur was soft though and it must be one of the materials used to make the clothes they wore. 

            He looked up past the people working on the animal and saw Ahsoka across the way watching. He studied her face as she seemed to move gracefully as though circling the activity. He couldn't deny it anymore. She was no longer a kid. What he'd witnessed out there wasn't just a hunt, but a transformation; a girl becoming a woman. She had none of the nervousness that she'd had this morning. Her eyes weren't dark like when she'd been hunting, but there was a depth to them he'd never noticed before. She walked with her head high, her shoulders back. His eyes slid down to her hands as they intertwined with each other. He remembered the way she'd tore into flesh with those fingers. What else could she do with them?

            When he looked back up at her face, he was surprised to see she was staring at him too. He wanted to say something to her, like 'good job' or 'well done.' But words hardly felt like enough to explain everything he was feeling. She probably worried he'd not feel comfortable around her after what he'd seen her do. The funny thing was, he wanted nothing more than to go to her right now. She didn't smile, or blush, she just studied him with her intense blue eyes. He had the strongest urge to run over and pick her up in his arms and spin her around. 

            He didn't. He wondered what she was thinking right now. He wanted to ask her. Or touch her or hold her. The magnetism between them in that moment was so strong it was taking all his power not to move. Her long lashes touched her cheeks and he couldn't stand it anymore. 

            But before he'd made more than a step, her father grabbed him around the shoulders again. "Alright, son," he started as though oblivious to his sudden need to go to Ahsoka. "It's time to carve the carcass. You might want to remove your shirt for this part, it will get messy."

            He reluctantly peeled his eyes off her and pulled off his top. He was handed a small but sharp knife and shown where to cut. He did his best to follow their instructions, but he kept peeking up to watch her with his peripheral vision. He had no idea why he couldn't stop looking at her or why the way she watched him made him want her so badly. Carving the meat was surprisingly hard work, he was starting to wish he could use his lightsaber instead. But the lightsaber would like render much of the meat useless.

            He worked in silence, wiping his brow as the sun beat down the hottest since they'd been there. At some point Ahsoka disappeared for awhile and returned later with her pants rolled up past her knees as though she'd been wading in the nearby river. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop thinking about her hunt, dying to know all the details he didn't understand just from watching. But also wanting to explore this change in her as she watched them process and prepare her kill. 

            Even during the feast, he didn't get a chance to get close to her and she was already asleep by the time he made it back to their hut. He watched her sleep for awhile, half thinking about waking her. But he knew she was probably exhausted both from the hunt and all the attention afterwards. Her father had said tomorrow was the final celebration, he supposed he could wait to have his questions answered until they were headed back to Coruscant. It was a hot night, so he peeled his shirt back off and rolled over trying not to think any more about her. Which was nearly impossible. He should be anxious sleeping next to her after what he'd witnessed, but he wasn't in the least. She made him feel... _safe..._ maybe even more so after seeing what she could do even without a lightsaber or the force.


	19. Chapter 19

            "Ke'leh! Ahsoka's Ke'leh!" He leapt to his feet at the call. He still wasn't used to how early they started their day. He looked around at the empty hut. Where was she? The folds of fabric covering the entrance parted and he blinked up at several men now peering in at him. "It's time!"

            "Time for what?" he asked rubbing his eyes. 

            "D'bhem Be'ghera, of course!"

            "Of course," he murmured, getting to his feet. Whatever that was. He'd given up trying to understand their language and all their rituals had special names that didn't seem to translate into basic. Or at least, they didn't know what they translated to. 

            They grabbed him by the arms and pulled him out of the hut. It was cooler in the early morning light than it had been the night before. That moment before dawn when everything was still serene and peaceful. Except for these rambunctious men that seem insistent on leading him somewhere. They hadn't even let him put his tunic on, so he felt odd being paraded through the center of the village in just the below knee pants. Not that he had much to worry about, there was nobody around. How had he slept through everyone getting up and leaving?

            They stopped on the bank of the nearby river, and one of the men tugged on his pants. "Whoa there," he slipped out of their reach. "If you want me to get in the water, just say so."

            "You must be cleansed before the ceremony."

            "Okay, I can take a hint, I probably smell. But could you at least turn around? I'm not used to bathing with an audience," he smirked. All of this week had tested his comfort zones, and he'd gone along with far more things he wouldn't normally simply because he didn't want to offend their culture or hurt Ahsoka. At some point though, he needed to draw the line. 

            The three men looked amongst themselves and shrugged, turning around so he could strip off his pants and dive into the cool, clean waters. He scrubbed himself down as best he could and one of the men threw him a cloth to dry himself with. Another one handed him a soft glimmering greenish tunic, that was about the same length as his Jedi robes. It was asymmetric and was cut handsomely around his neck. It went down his arms, far enough to cover his elbows, but stopped short of his wrists. The trimmings were golden and white. It was a luxurious garment, something he was hardly used to wearing. It stopped just short of his knees, and he was handed a light golden color pair of pants. They were somewhat baggy, but breathable and when he slipped them on, he was amazed at how slinky and soft they felt. 

            They had him sit on a nearby tripod stool they'd carried from the village. One of the men worked on his hair, while another fashioned jewelry around his ankles that looped over his toes. The third man stirred some white paint and went about drawing a simple pattern across his face. He was getting used to some of this stuff, but this was far fancier than anything they'd done so far. 

            "This must be a very important ritual," he said conversationally trying not to move his face.

            "The most important. Today she comes of age."

            "Ah right, her birthday. That makes sense." Jedi didn't usually celebrate birthdays, but he'd heard some cultures would have parties for them. "So why is the sixteenth birthday so important in your culture?"

            "It marks her journey into adulthood. The entire tribe gathers to give their blessings for a long and fruitful future," the man that was painting his face said, stepping back to admire his work. "It is marked by the D'bhem Be'ghera, when she receives the greatest gift of all, given by her Ke'leh; you."

            "Oh kriff, was I supposed to get her a gift?" They glanced amongst themselves again. The necklace he'd picked out for her was back in their hut with his Jedi robes. He was going to give it to her on the way back.

            "You are the gift."

            "Wait, what?" They pulled him to his feet and led him down a dirt path through the tall grasslands up a hill. "Hold on, what did you mean..."

            All thoughts, concerns and confusion emptied from his brain as they came to the top of the hill. He couldn't even process anything for a moment when he laid eyes on her. She was standing some distance away, her back to him as she faced the village elder. She was wrapped delicately in layers of fancy fabric that started out maroon and slowly transitioned to baby blue as it spread out across the ground around her. It was beaded in intricate patterns, embroidered in gold and white like his tunic. She looked absolutely stunning in it, as it flattered every angle of her maturing form. Gold and silver jewels hugged her lekku, making her sparkle in the morning sun as it rose behind her.

            She turned and met his eyes and he swallowed, trying to hold his jaw shut. He was moving towards her without thinking, passing all the people he'd come to know this past week. He couldn't look at anything other than her. When had she grown up so much? It seemed like it had happened overnight, or at least in the past few days. He didn't know if he was doing the proper thing by approaching her, but she was suddenly so magnetic he couldn't stay away.  She smiled at him and reached out her hand and he admired the intricate patterns that had been drawn across her fingers, her wrists and up her arms. 

            He stopped next to her, studying her as though he'd never fully seen or appreciated her before, and accepted her hand. He slowly became aware of a rhythmic beat on the drums, and people surrounding them. Flowers and colors of all shapes and sizes, displayed around them. He forgot what the men had said, he just wanted nothing more in that moment than to give her the best birthday he could. 

            They'd painted her lips to be a luscious deep red, soft greenish blue adorned the lids of her eyes. Her long black lashes seemed more exaggerated than normal today. He admired the way the colors contrasted with her soft orange skin and the blue and white stripes of her montrals. Her blue eyes twinkled, reflecting the light in little fractals as though they were the deepest reaches of space, full of mystery and treasure. He wanted to tell her happy birthday, but words caught in his throat. 

            He hardly heard the elder speaking, barely noticed as she wrapped their holding hands multiple times in a brown leathery fabric. "Today is the beginning, Be'ghera, of a long road ahead. Witnessed today by your friends and family and tribe. One of ours has chosen you as her Ke'leh. Her true D'bhem. Wherever you both shall go, you are now tied together by a sturdy thread. Bonded for life. In times of hardship, you will carry each other's burdens. In times of fortune, you will share your joy. Recognized by Ka d' det Suun, ashla lives within you both. In each other strength and relief, and most importantly, love." His eyes widened at the sudden realization of what it all meant. She chuckled softly and turned to look at the village elder. Did she know they were getting married? "Seal the promise with a kiss."

            She looked back at him, her eyes were wide this time. Apparently, she didn't either. She flushed, looking suddenly embarrassed. He felt so guilty. The last thing he wanted to do at that moment was pull out and let her be embarrassed by this. He saw her shoulders drop, unnoticed by everyone but him and he felt the crashing fear and sadness radiate from her in waves. Before he could stop himself, he took her face in his free hand and leaned in for the kiss. 

            She looked appropriately startled, but when they met, she closed her eyes in anticipation. He kissed her far deeper than he needed to, savoring the way she'd parted for him and let out the softest sigh. He smiled into her skin and kissed her again. Surprising himself at just how wonderful she'd tasted. 

            There was a burst of noise and flashes of color flying around them. He pulled away and looked around, grinning to himself at the excitement and happy energy. When he looked back at her face, blinking through the confetti and grains, she still looked shell-shocked and dazed. He squeezed her hand that was tied to his and stepped closer. She blinked up at him slowly. He kissed her softly on the forehead in the middle of her diamond shape and then rested his against it where his lips had been moments before. 

            "Did we just get married?" she whispered, barely audible over the celebration around them. 

            "I think we did," he smiled at her.

            "But..."

            "Don't worry, Snips," he breathed, pulling her into his arms. "Let's enjoy our wedding."

            "I didn't know, I'm sorry..." She sounded so sad. 

            "Hey." He tipped her chin back, so he could look her in the eye. "If I'm getting accidentally married, I'd want it to be to you." He meant it too. It had been a crazy week, but he couldn't ignore his feelings anymore. She was beautiful, talented, strong, brave and...  _golden..._

            She looked up at him so hopeful, he could only smile to confirm his statement. He'd have to worry about tomorrow, well... tomorrow... He took her other hand and twirled her around, admiring the elegance and how she moved. She was grinning before long and he was lost in the moment.


	20. Chapter 20

              Her father stepped forward and she froze mid dance. He reached up and threw a garland of colorful flowers around her neck. "Blessings upon you," he said, cupping her cheek with his hand. "May your chosen be all you've ever hoped for and more. Provide for him, and joy will accompany you always. But stand firm in your own light as well and lead the galaxy to peace and kindness." She tried to blink the tears away at her father's words. How could she tell him it was a mistake? It wasn't that she didn't love her master, but marriage? That was a little more than she was ready for. He moved to in front of Anakin and threw flowers around his neck as well. "Blessings upon you." He touched Anakin's cheek. "May you always find home in my daughter's arms, and peace in her presence. May you lift her up with you and reach for her when you fall. May the strength of your bond carry you when det suun is hidden, and may you always find ha’a’neh eh det turu."

              She glanced at her master out of the corner of her eye. What was he thinking right now? Her heart was racing in her chest, thudding around as though locked in a cage and trying to escape. Part of her wanted to run away, she felt so stupid. When she'd asked him to come along, she'd had no idea that her tribe would believe him to be her mate. She'd thought ke'leh meant friend. He was taking it all so well, he'd been so open minded and willing to go along with any ritual they asked. He'd fought for her, he’d watched her hunt and he’d carved her kill, and now he'd married her. He probably couldn't wait until they were back aboard their ship and on their way home to the temple. Then he could stop pretending he was enjoying himself. 

              She turned to see her mother standing there in front of her. She threw a garland around her neck too. She studied her mother's beautiful face and petite features. Her light blonde-brown hair fell around her face in waves; golden like rays of sunshine. If this wedding were for real, she'd be lucky her parents were so open-minded about a cross species relationship. They had to be because they were one. 

              "My beautiful daughter!" her mother cried and threw her arms around her shoulders in a warm hug. "My words won't be so eloquent, but I'll tell you what I know. Love comes in many forms, often quickly and unexpectedly. That is the most exciting form, but hardly the one that matters most. True love; real, lasting, deepest of loves, comes from friendship and respect. It will be the one that carries you and saves you. It loves without prejudice or fear. If you cannot look at your ke'leh and know how far you'd swim for them, then you have yet to find the island of their soul." Her mom proceeded to kiss her on the cheek and then move to Anakin. She threw flowers around his neck too. "I'm entrusting my daughter's life in your care. But her heart, you have to earn. Not once as though in conquest, but repeatedly and earnestly." Her mom choked up as though there was something more she wished to say. Then she pinched Anakin on the cheek and marched away all teary-eyed. 

              She watched her parents go, struggling to take it all in. She felt terrible that they were deceiving them, but what could they do now? Tell everyone it wasn't what it seemed? How awkward were things going to be with her master now? She mulled over what they'd said. The love they spoke of, was it possible? She didn't know anything about love. She snuck a glance at Anakin, surprised to find him smiling and seemingly relaxed and having fun. He had a sparkle in his ocean blue eyes, something she rarely saw in him. If he was unconcerned by the deception, she supposed she should be too. He turned and met her stare and she instantly blushed, wishing to be anywhere but there. 

              He took both her hands in his, taking care to turn his wrist that was still tied together with hers, so it didn't dig into her skin. He squeezed them softly and she looked up at his face. _Relax,_ he mouthed to her. Then he took a deep breath to indicate she should do the same. Why was he being so nice? Or calm, for that matter? She thought about what her mother had said, _if you cannot look at your ke'leh and know how far you'd swim for them, then you have yet to find the island of their soul._ She looked back into his eyes. Just like the ocean, they were wild. They vacillated between stormy and calm. She'd always loved his eyes. Wanting to swim in them, though he rarely even let her get her feet wet. But whether the ceremony was a ruse or meaningless when they left Shili, she knew in her heart... she'd swim any distance for him. And if he so chose, she'd drown for him. Was that the kind of love her mother meant?

              She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, reaching for calm. Ashla lived in them. _Light._  If that were true, then maybe what they'd just done wasn't so wrong. But a secret marriage? Honored or not, it felt like a betrayal of every Jedi ideal. And yet at the same time, it felt like the very right thing for her soul. It felt as though she could never again call herself a real Jedi. Maybe she was reading too much into it. It probably didn't mean anything to him. 

              She opened her eyes as more people greeted them, congratulated them and offered them their blessings. Each time she sunk deeper and deeper into uncertainty. It shouldn’t matter, really. Tomorrow, they’d be on their way back to Coruscant, probably pretending none of this had happened. She’d never see her family again, or her tribe. Did it really matter if they knew the truth?

              But when she’d asked to come home for this ritual, she’d expected it to be a variety of trials to prove her physical and mental strength, and at the end of the day, that she was still part Togruta. She was proud of everything she’d accomplished, but she felt so stupid that it hadn’t occurred to either of them how it all led to this. Now suddenly the men fighting Anakin in the ring made sense. All the crafting to show what they could make or do for each other. The solo hunt to prove she could provide for her spouse and if they ever had a family. It all led to a wedding… If she didn’t feel so embarrassed by the whole thing, she’d give Master Shaak Ti a piece of her mind when she returned. Even worse than all of that was what if she’d brought someone else along? _Oh brother…_

              She was feeling a little faint. She looked down at the leather that the elder had tied around their hands and the way his fit in hers so nicely. She’d come here hoping to prove that she may be a Togruta, but she was still a Jedi first. She looked up at his face and the way he smiled and how relaxed he seemed. Maybe neither of them were true Jedi. Maybe that’s what the vision cave had shown them. Wherever he went, whatever path he chose, she would follow him. Even if he left her singed for it. _So much for not being attached._

              Her parents returned leading a uxi beast that had a saddle, harness and reigns. It was tall and had a large front, wide like the akul. Uxi however, were very mellow. They ate only grasses and flowers. They had a fearsome appearance though, with two large curving horns that stuck out from the side of their head and pointed forward. Then multiple horns of varying sizes that ran up and down its back on either side. Large hoofed paws at the end of short legs and a big thick head. It had been decorated from head to toe, with colorful fabric and flowers. One of which was a little too close to its mouth and it was currently chewing on it.

              “Follow the river up into the mountains. At its source, there will be a path that will take you to the top. Once there, you will find what you need for the final ritual and a lovely hut for your wedding night,” Saron bowed to them. “Do you need any instructions before you go?” Her father patted him on the shoulder and winked. “I know a few tricks that might come in handy.”

              “Uh…” Anakin murmured looking a little uncomfortable.

              “The most important thing is to make sure you please her,” her mother said, and it was her turn to blush and look down at her feet embarrassed.

              “You know, a quick lesson might be in order,” Saron said when neither of them answered.

              “It’s okay,” her master blurted out. “I know how.” She could tell he wanted to be anywhere but there.

              “Oh really?” she teased him, pretending to be surprised. Of course he knew how, he spent enough time with Senator Amidala.

              He frowned at her and tried to sign that he was just trying to get out of the awkward situation. She pursed her lips at him but then started laughing.

              “I hope you do, because trust me, you don’t want to cross one you’ve left unsatisfied.” Yadigan fanned herself and her and Anakin exchanged wide-eyed glances and then looked everywhere but at each other. _Oh man, could this get any more uncomfortable?_ Was now the time to tell them that he was her master not her mate? Actually… He put his hand over her mouth before she managed to say it.

              “Don’t worry,” he said quickly, bowing respectfully. “We’ll figure it out.”

              “We will?” She couldn’t hide the surprise this time. He gave her a strained smile and nodded to the uxi beast like _come on stop talking, let’s go._ Before she could protest, he swept her off her feet and leapt up into the saddle, tipping his head to her parents.

              She sat there feeling strange as he took the reins and started guiding the creature towards the river. Because of the way he’d grabbed her, she was sitting sideways on it, having to hold one arm around him so she didn’t fall off and the other moved where his hand that was still tied to hers went.

              “Can we at least change position?” she grumbled. “This feels so weird.”

              “Oh come on, Snips,” he grinned. “It’s romantic.” Once they made it to the river, he pulled her closer to him, readjusting them somewhat so that his hand that was bound to her rested around her, across her stomach. She barely managed to get one foot over and straddling it before he kicked it to start moving again. She sighed and leaned back into him, feeling warm and confused. He seemed to be enjoying this far too much and all she wanted to do was throw something over her head and hide. It was going to be a long day and perhaps even a longer night.


	21. Chapter 21

            They'd been following the river for about an hour when she started getting antsy. They hadn't really talked much since leaving the village. So close up against her, he'd felt every spectrum of emotion from her. He was surprised it had taken her so long to beg him to stop. He'd been enjoying her body touching his, he was sorry to do so. But he wasn't going to hold her against her will. 

            He pulled the reins so the uxi beast came to a stop. She squirmed a little and he lifted his arm that had been around her. She rolled to the side under it and landed surprisingly gracefully next to the mount. "Please untie me," she said finally holding her right hand up in the air where it was still connected to his left one. 

            "But what if we're supposed to stay bound together for the ritual?" he replied, not really wanting to let her go. 

            "We're not really going through with this, are we? This is insane, we have to slow down!" She stomped her bare foot in the dirt and put her free hand on her hip. She was right, he knew that. But maybe for just a moment he'd thought he could forget about everything else. He reluctantly untied the leather and once loose enough, she wriggled out of it and started pacing back and forth. He held the binding softly in his hands, what the elder had said slowly came back into his brain.  _Wherever you both shall go, you are now tied together by a sturdy thread. Bonded for life._

            He looked back at her, she had her face screwed up as though she was arguing with herself. They  _were_  bonded for life. Not by leather, but by the force. Maybe even deeper now that he'd taken it further. He slowly wrapped the piece of leather around his mechanical hand and tied it off. He had no idea why he wanted to keep it or why it mattered. 

            "Why did you kiss me?" she asked suddenly. 

            "I didn't want to embarrass you. Or myself for that matter," he whispered quickly.

            "That's not what I meant. A peck on the lips would have been enough! Why did you kiss me like that?" He couldn't stand her piercing eyes sometimes, the way she could look right through him. Would she understand if he told her the truth?

            He was quiet for a few minutes debating what to say. "Because I wanted to," he said finally. 

            "You wanted to kiss me? You're the one that said you didn't want our relationship to change!" 

            "I know what I said!" he replied a little angrier than he meant to. The uxi beast stomped its front hooves anxiously and he tried to take a deep breath. He knew what he had with Ahsoka was special. He knew she felt things too. She'd wanted the kiss just as badly, even if she refused to admit it. 

            "Then why? I can't believe we got married! Even if it doesn't mean anything once we leave here... we're Jedi! We can't do this!" She started pacing again.

            "What, is being married to me that bad? Even if it was by accident?" He slid off the uxi beast and crossed his arms.

            "If we were to have a relationship like that, I'd want it to be real! To hide it, to be ashamed of it... it's just... it's just wrong!" She shuddered slightly, and he wanted to take her in his arms. "How can a relationship like that be healthy when you're living a lie?"

            "What's so wrong with it? Don't you think Jedi should be allowed these things too? If it doesn't get in the way of what we're doing, why is it so wrong?" he said indignantly. What was making him uptight? The fact that she was upset about what they'd done, _accidentally,_ or because she was hitting a little too close to what he was already doing?

            She stared at him incredulously. "Don't tell me you're really considering this!" She puffed out her chest. She even looked beautiful when she was mad. He tried to shake the thought from his head. "You _wanted_ to kiss me... _why?_ " He looked everywhere but at her, shriveling under her gaze. How could he explain it? Was he ready to? He _had_ wanted to kiss her! He'd wanted it. First to save her the embarrassment of rejection at such an important moment, but no... it went deeper than that. He'd wanted to kiss her because...

            "Because I love you," he blurted out before he could stop himself. 

            "You... you..." she stuttered like she couldn't process the words he'd just spoken. Scared of what he'd admitted and scared of what she was going to say, he reached out to her. 

            "Tell me you love me too." She stared at him. He could feel so many emotions swirling in her like she didn't even know what she felt. He knew she felt it. He knew it was in there. It came out in the dance. He hadn't imagined it. "Please, Snips... tell me you love me," he begged. He didn't think he could handle it if she said she didn't.

            "I.. I..." She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. He could feel the way she shook in his arms. "I do love you... but I don't know what that means. You're my master, you're my best friend... I don't..." 

            He reached up to touch her face, tracing his finger lightly down her markings. "I love you." The urge to kiss her was so strong, but he was afraid to; afraid she'd pull away. She looked teary eyed and he wanted so badly to kiss them away, but instead he pulled her into a hug. She trembled a little, but her arms tightened around him. Why was he confessing his love to her? What were they doing? She was right, this was insane! 

            After a few minutes she calmed down a little and finally pulled away. She dropped down on a nearby rock and put her face in her hands. He admired the way her beautiful dress draped around her. He took a knee in front of her. 

            "Ahsoka," he said softly. "The Jedi are wrong, there's nothing wrong with love. Or attachments. It's nature to need to connect, to feel like you belong somewhere or with someone." He reached up and took her hands in his. "But you and I... we have something special. Something I've never felt before. And maybe we've been taught that it's not okay to feel this. Maybe marriage wasn't the next step, but no matter what happens tomorrow, we'll always have today. This week that we've shared. It's been... amazing... I almost don't want to leave," he admitted. 

            "You don't?" she looked up at him in surprise. 

            "I never thought I'd feel like I belonged somewhere. That home was a myth just like the prophecy. But... I'm not so sure anymore. I like it here because, well... because all of it feels like you. And I like the way you make me feel. I was just too afraid to admit it; to you and to myself." He squeezed her hands softly. "For right now, let's just go up the mountain and complete the final ritual. Then we can figure out the future, okay? You wanted to do this right. Let's finish what we started."

            "You don't mean?" She chewed her lip nervously.

            "Not if you're not ready," he promised. "Come on, I have a million questions about your hunt and everything." He stood up and offered her his hands. She looked up at him and he smiled reassuringly. She blinked slowly and took them. He pulled her to her feet. "Do you want to drive?" he joked.

            "I won't be able to see around you." She pushed him hard enough for him to stumble into the water. 

            "Hey now!" He scooped up a handful and flicked it at her. She leapt up onto the uxi beast before he could get her wet and took the reins. She kicked it so it started moving and he had to run after her to keep up. It was a good thing they weren't very fast. "Hold up!" he laughed after running for awhile. 

            "You have to earn it this time," she teased and somehow managed to get the beast to go faster. "I don't give free rides."

            He ran for few minutes, picking up speed and leapt forward with the force to grab onto the back of the saddle. He flopped helplessly on its rear end until she had mercy on him and stopped the creature, so he could climb the rest of the way up. He slid into the saddle behind her, trying to move the fabric of her dress out of the way so he didn't sit on it. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. She blushed but she didn't tell him to let go. 

            He closed his eyes when they started moving again, breathing her in. He shouldn't want this, but he did. He'd meant everything he said to her. He thought about what the men had called the wedding ritual; 'd'bhem be'ghera.' Based on how the elder had used the words, he was quite certain it meant the beginning of love. The beginning, as though marriage came first, and love came second. But maybe it was deeper than that? Maybe it was the promise that love would only grow from that point on. Though he'd already had feelings for Ahsoka, the past week had forced them to surface until he had to confront them. Somehow admitting them to her had been the most terrifying and yet... strangest release of emotion. 

            He didn't know what he was supposed to do about Padmé. He loved her dearly, and he feared losing her. But he felt so many things with Ahsoka he'd never felt with her; the largest of which was home. Like in all his lonely wanderings somehow, he'd finally found his way home. Her parents had been so sure that Ahsoka had been called to wander because something or _someone_ out there needed her. Was it possible that his heart had somehow cried out to the force and it had delivered her to him? Maybe there _was_ such a thing as destiny... now the question in his head, was he the same thing for her? 

            He lost track of time enjoying the way it felt to hold her. It felt like he could hold her forever and never get tired of it. She pulled the reins to a stop when they arrived at the source of the river. Sure enough, there was a path off to the right that led further up the mountain. He slid off and then offered to help her down. Not that she needed it, but she let him do it anyways. The uxi beast clomped forward and took a long drink from the lake. 

            "Tell me about the hunt," he said. "How did you know to make all those growl sounds to confuse the akul?"

            She smiled a moment and then turned towards the beast and plucked off one of the flowers that decorated it. She held it up in her hands. It had eight thick green leaves folded down in a star pattern. Above that was a circle of spindly petals that's edges were deep blue moving white and then purple towards a bright yellow center. In the center rose a stem and a bulb that had five shoots with orange tips curving in all directions. On the top of the bulb sat two bright purple antenna-type stems. "I told you, right? My father talked a lot about flowers. I didn't realize he was trying to get me to use mother Shili herself as inspiration. To take lessons from the land and use it in the hunt." She set the flower in his hands. "This is a marg sabl. It opens every morning at dawn, fanning out in every direction. But look." She poked her finger quickly on the tip of one of the purple antennas. In a split-second, the entire flower closed up on itself as though to trap its prey. "Insects don't know what to do when suddenly something is coming at it from all directions. The pretty colors lure them in like a target, and then it closes on them. Obviously, I don't have the ability to close around the akul in such a manner, but it gave me the idea of making it think I could come at it from any side. Once it walked into my trap and was confused, that's when I made my strike."

            "You know, that's not a bad battle strategy either. Come to think of it, that's what you did against that Separatist blockade surrounding Ryloth. Marg sabl, hmm? I'm going to name that move after your flower." He squeezed her on the shoulder. 

            She smiled and looked back at the flower. "Who knew flowers could be deadly too?"

            "Hey, I've seen you fight with lightsabers and your bare hands, and I never would have guessed you could be that deadly," he laughed. 

            "You must have been horrified!" 

            "I probably should have been," he admitted. "But no, I was just impressed." He took her by the shoulders. "Come on, let’s go find out what this final ritual is. Hopefully no more burning leaves."

            They left the uxi beast down below and she let him lead her up the winding dirt path to the top of the mountain. Sure enough, there was a hut a little bigger than the one they shared in the village. Off to the left of the relatively flat area was a large twisted tree like the one from the vision cave, but not quite so strong in the force. Under it was another stone altar. On the altar sat an intricately painted bowl full of clear water and a few flower petals. And engraved on the altar were a series of symbols and words. 

            "They're really testing our ability to understand their language, aren't they? First the map, now this," he muttered. 

            She ran her slender fingers along them as she studied them. "It looks like it's depicting a water blessing, this word here... it looks like 'nahgi,' which would make sense, the bowl is full of water." She closed her eyes and rested her hand on the altar. He watched her as he felt her drift into the force searching for meaning. "I think I understand," she murmured. "Kneel down here." She pointed to a spot near the foot of the altar. Then she dunked her first two fingers into the water and set them on his forehead. "With these hands and with this heart." She crossed her other hand over her chest. "I offer to cleanse your pain, clear your negativity and bring you only clean water as long as you live." He looked up at her, surprised not by the words themselves, but the emotion that followed them. She blinked a few times and then looked at him. "Now it's your turn."

            It took him a minute to recover from the way her words had cracked something open in him. She knelt down and set her hands in her lap and waited patiently for him do his part of the ritual. He dipped two fingers of his left hand into the bowl and set them gently on her forehead. "With these hands and with this heart." He put his right hand over his chest. "I offer to cleanse your pain, clear your negativity and bring you only clean water as long as you live." He choked up and tears started falling before he could stop them. There was something so beautiful and pure about such a blessing. 

            She caught him in her arms and held him while he cried. He wasn't ready to tell her everything. Maybe he wasn't ready to tell her anything. But the way she rocked him softly as he fell apart told him she'd meant every word she'd spoken. Would she think less of him as her master for being so weak? He hated feeling like this, he hated being vulnerable. She rested her cheek against the top of his head and he clung to her. She didn't ask questions or demand he tell her what was going on. She just sat there in a comfortable silence, as sturdy as a rock. And he... he felt safe. Like he was home.  _Golden._


	22. Chapter 22

            They laid side by side in the grass, staring up at the sky as the sun went down and it burst forth full of stars. For all their traveling among them, she’d never spent much time thinking about them. But here, on Shili, where nothing competed with their glory, she was mesmerized by them. She wasn’t sure how to feel about everything they’d learned today, but something had changed between them. For the first time since she’d known him, he’d opened up to her. First to tell her he loved her, which had been a shock in itself, and then after the blessing when he’d cried on her shoulder.

            She didn’t know what the future held, or how they would ever be able to figure this out in regards to the Jedi code. But she knew she loved him; _deeply._ She’d just never thought about it in a romantic way before. Why would she? He had no reason to look at her like that, not when he’d always been so in love with the senator. She’d really hoped this week would be good for him, but she had no idea it would be good for her too.

            The way it had felt during their accidental wedding, when he’d kissed her… it had been like nothing she’d ever experienced before. She was still tingly just thinking about it. But also scared. Scared to explore those feelings, scared other people would know or find out. She’d be lying to herself if she claimed she wasn’t the least bit curious to explore the rest of it, but now hardly seemed the right time for that. If they ever did go further, she’d want to be sure. She’d want him to be sure. Not just caught in the moment like what had happened during the dance. As deep as her love for him went, she didn’t want to rush it. She needed to ease into the idea.

            She turned her head to look at him. She couldn’t help but admire his relaxed features and the soft smile on his lips as he seemed deep in thought. He seemed lighter after what happened during the water blessing. She kind of wanted to give him a hard time and tell him she could have told him he’d feel so much better after letting it all out. But it had to be something he figured out for himself she supposed. She had to admit she liked the color green on him. The outfit they’d dressed him in for the wedding was very attractive and she was getting heated just thinking about it. It had been so strange to get used to seeing him without his heavy Jedi robes. But she liked the softer side of him, the way the clothes didn’t have to hold him up.

            Whether the Jedi would approve or not, it was kind of exciting to look at him and think that he was her husband. Even if it didn’t mean anything when they left. At least for one night, she could call him that, right? His eyes met hers and he tried to blow the turu-grass out of the way, so he could look at her. She started laughing and rolled her lips. She loved the way his eyes reflected the stars and the moonlight. Could they just lay here forever? She didn’t want to leave Shili either now.

            “So, Snips,” he started. “I feel like as your master, I should ask you what you learned this week? Didn’t you say this rite of passage would shape your entire future?”

            “That’s what I was told, yes,” she murmured. “I can see why if the result is a marriage!”

            He laughed. “That could definitely shape your future.”

            “You know, the part that has stuck with me the strongest… For as long as I can remember I’ve been denying one aspect of myself in favor of another. I thought being a Jedi meant I couldn’t be a Togruta. I thought being a Togruta meant that I couldn’t be a Jedi. But now I see that I can easily be both and how both could intertwine to make me who I am. There may be parts of each that contradict each other, but I feel like I can finally balance them rather than be ashamed of it,” she said thoughtfully.

            He rolled to the side and set his hand on her arm. “I’m really proud of you, Snips,” he said honestly. “Accepting yourself, all aspects of it, is a really hard thing to do. This past week, you’ve grown up dramatically. So, whether the Togruta rite of passage was about marriage or not, it really was a coming of age ceremony for you.”

            “Thank you, master.”

            “Hey, I’m your husband now, you don’t have to call me master,” he teased and rolled back.

            “Do you want me to call you that in front of the Jedi council?” She pushed him softly on the arm.

            “Probably not a good idea,” he murmured.

            “You think?” she smirked and rolled her eyes even though he wasn’t paying attention.

            He sat up and looked down at her. “You know, even if it was an accident… I really like the idea of being married to you.” He chewed on his bottom lip and looked away. She watched his face for a moment and then she reached out for him, pulling herself up to meet him. She kissed him before she could overthink it. He pulled her closer and kissed her deeper. Like the way he had during the ceremony. He studied her face when they parted and ran his fingers down her cheek and along her jaw. Then he held up his mechanical hand with the leather wrapped around it. “No matter what happens when we go back or what we call us, I’m keeping this. As a reminder of the best week of my life.” Her lip trembled. “Come on, we should get some sleep. We have a long day of traveling tomorrow.”

            He got to his feet and helped her up. Once they’d brushed the grass off themselves, they crawled into the hut. Neither of them moved to put blankets between them. In fact, he’d pulled her close and she’d drifted off in a happy calm, feeling safe in his arms.

 

\---

 

            “Have you seen my clothes?” she asked him after lifting up all the furs and blankets inside their hut in the village.

            “Ask your mother,” he murmured as he finished tying his tunics together and hooked his belt into place.

            “Why would she have them?” He opened the canvas flap, so she could see her parents standing outside. In her mom’s arms was folded fabric that looked too much like her Jedi clothes to be coincidental. She crawled out of the hut, nearly tripping over the multiple skirts of the wedding dress she was still wearing. Her mom blinked a few times, to clear the hint of tears that threatened to pour over and stepped forward.

            “My de’he’ren,” Yadigan said softly. “I hope you don’t mind, but… I wanted to make you something.” She held out her hands and Ahsoka lifted the maroon fabric into the air and studied it. It was beautifully done. “You should still be able to move in it, but I thought… maybe you needed something to compliment your blossoming form.”

            She threw her arms around her mother’s neck. “It’s perfect!” she cried into her shoulder.

            “Here, these are your leggings to go with it.” She picked up the gray leggings with multiple diamonds cut down the sides, expertly embroidered to keep the strength of the fabric.

            “I’m going to put it on right now!” She ran back into the hut and pushed Anakin outside, so she could change. She pulled the leggings on, loving the way her skin peeked through on the sides. Then she untangled herself from the layers of fabric that made up the fancy dress and slipped into the one her mother had just given her. It fit perfectly. It was weird to feel her back so exposed, but she loved the shape of it and the way it made her feel. She pulled on her boots and clipped her belt into place. And once she’d put on her gloves she looked herself over. Now she wanted something over her upper arms to compliment the diamond shapes of the leggings. Also, it was time to update her belt. This one didn’t look as good with her new dress.

            She stepped back outside, surprised to find everyone waiting to greet her. Her mom gave her a smile. “Well? Will it work?”

            “Yes,” she said excitedly. “Thank you!” She hugged her mom again. “I love it.”

            “My daughter,” Saron said, pulling her into a hug. “Though our time together is ending, know that wherever you go, you carry us all with you. Let every lesson you’ve learned here, guide your way no matter where you go or what you do. And may you both, always have ha’a’neh eh det turu.”

            “Thank you,” she said hoarsely, hugging them both again. “Thank you for everything!”

            Anakin put his hand on her shoulder and she finally peeled herself away. But not before her parents both hugged him too. She nearly laughed at the way it had taken him by surprise. “Be safe,” her mom said. “Both of you.” They nodded their thanks to them and then to the rest of the village. Then they mounted their ikopis and headed back towards the capital.

            It was bittersweet to be leaving, but she felt as though everything that Anakin had said was true. She had grown up a lot this week. She’d found balance in herself. It no longer mattered if the younglings teased her or if people were scared of her. She knew who she was and she knew what she could do. And she also had someone to stand by her, no matter what tomorrow brought. Master Shaak Ti had been right about one thing anyways; that what happened during the rite would change you.

            Maybe her and Anakin couldn’t return to Coruscant or to the temple as husband and wife, but they still had the bond that nobody could take from them. Whatever happens, they’d find a way. And hopefully, he’d let her in now. She knew in the deepest reaches of her heart that if they stuck together, they’d be okay.

            “Hey, Snips,” he said after they’d jumped the ship to hyperspace. She turned to look at him. “I got you something.” She looked down at his hands and saw a simple golden necklace with a diamond shape. She picked it up and turned it over in her fingers.

            “It’s beautiful,” she murmured.

            He stood up and took it from her and she tipped her head, so he could clip it around her neck. “It fits you,” he smiled at her. “Happy birthday.”

            She leapt to her feet and threw her arms around his neck. “Thank you.” She kissed him on the cheek. “For everything.”

            He held her tight against him, resting his cheek on the top of her montrals. Now that Shili sat behind their engines, she’d thought things would slowly return to the way they’d been as though none of it had happened. But maybe she was wrong. Maybe this truly was the beginning of something wonderful. She couldn’t wait to find out.

            “You know, I’ve been wondering…” he pursed his lips off to the side. “What does ‘ha’a’neh eh det turu’ even mean?”

            “It translates to ‘wind in the grasses,’” she said as they sat back down. “I think it means that for the Togruta people, a sense of peace and maybe even knowledge. The wind carries information, scents and sounds. Maybe when you stand there in the warm sun and you feel the wind stir around you… it also stirs through you. It reminds you that you’re connected to everything and that feeling brings you peace. It brings you home.”

            “Does it make you feel, golden?” he asked, and she glanced to the side to see him bite his lip.

            “Yes.”

            “Then may we both always find ha’a’neh eh det turu,” he murmured and took her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Togruti “was an ornate language using trills and long vowel sounds, which were modified by subtle tremors in the Togruta's head-tails.” (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Togruti)
> 
> • Ha’a’neh eh det turu – “wind in the grasses”  
> • Det Bhat Ehret – “the group hunt”  
> • Bhat – “hunt”  
> • De’he’ren – “dearest”  
> • Ke’leh – “mate”  
> • Fe’ren d’ det se’a’ral – “fight of the suitors”  
> • Watap – “dance”  
> • Det Suun – “the sun”  
> • D’bhem Be’ghera – “love’s beginning”  
> • Be’ghera – “beginning”  
> • D’bhem – “love”  
> • Ka d’ det Suun – “rise of the sun”  
> • Ashla – “light”  
> • Meht’s ahnu – “mother’s bounty”  
> • Yau nahgi, ta meht Shili – “life water of mother Shili”  
> • Daark’a – “dark”  
> • Mig ohna teh’ru te – “only time will tell”  
> • Grriva – “balance”  
> • Nahgi – “water”  
> • Trrre d’ yau – “tree of life”  
> • Det tungu’ko and det tunguma d’ det och’sa – “the son and the daughter of the stars”  
> • Comrro be’ret yeh kah sa ma’a’reh – “come before you for a blessing”  
> • Meht Shili – “mother Shili”


End file.
